


Five Years Ago

by SassySnowperson (DramaticEntrance)



Series: Choices and Changes [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Drink Spiking, Drunken Flirting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gangs, Happy Ending, Happy Epilogue, Human!K-2SO, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Police Brutality, Pretty fluffy despite the warnings, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, minor character death (off-screen), so much UST, well sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-18 14:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11292333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticEntrance/pseuds/SassySnowperson
Summary: The prequel toTwelve Hour Shift. Can be read first or as a standalone.Cassian Andor is an undercover cop working his way into the one of his city’s major gangs, the Imps. Bodhi Rook, Imp driver, has figured out his secret. But Bodhi’s not interested in ratting him out; Bodhi’s looking for a way out and sees his chance to trade secrets for freedom.But nothing is as easy as it seems. One complication—the whole city is in danger if Bodhi’s information is true. Another—Bodhi is flirtatious and inappropriate andattractive. Cassian just has to hold his professionalism together long enough to keep his informant safe, keep the city safe, and keep the Imps from destroying everything.





	1. Inauspicious Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian's day at work becomes much more complicated. Bodhi's day at work becomes rather miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with the prequel! This story exists because [WritinReadhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) served as cheerleader and Imagination Prodder, as well as first reader. Thanks!

* * *

“Your name is Cassian Andor, and you’re a cop.” 

Ice went down Cassian’s spine, and he reacted on instinct. His hand shot out and grabbed the speaker’s arm, twisting and shoving until he had the young man pushed up against the wall of the club, arm pinned behind his back. One of Cassian’s legs went between the man’s two, effectively keeping him immobilized. He trembled in the hold, but didn’t seem inclined to try to break it.

“Don’t move and stay quiet.” Cassian growled. He didn’t hear any voices other than the two of them, no sounds of bodies moving. The pulse of the bass from the club vibrated through the wall, but it seemed they were alone in the alley.

A pause, another long second to make sure the man wasn’t going to try to run, to make sure nobody was listening in. “Who are you, and how do you know my name?” 

“My name is Bodhi Rook.” The man’s voice was insistent, despite the shaking that ran through his body. “I swear, I haven’t told anyone.” 

“How did you know?” 

“Followed you, two nights ago. I’m a driver for the Imps—”

Cassian pushed harder on Rook’s arm and he gave a high whine of pain. Rook’s eyes were squeezed shut as his head was pressed against the wall.

“But I swear, I swear I didn’t tell them. They asked me to follow you, I did, and I said you were legit. I didn’t blow your cover. I promise.”

“Nobody followed me two nights ago.” Cassian had left the club that served as a hangout for the Imps and circled the block three times to make sure he didn’t have a tail before going back to the precinct. 

The man was quiet. He finally said, “You were obviously checking for a tail. So I guessed you were either rival gang, or a cop. I staked out Fourth Street. Got lucky.” 

Cassian had taken Fourth. By that time he had been sure he was in the clear, not even checking for a tail. Fuck. 

“So what is this, a shakedown?” 

“No!” The gang member seemed honestly offended. Cassian would have found it funny, if the stakes weren’t so high. “I’m in trouble. I need your help.”

“Who did you tell them I was?” 

“Who you said you were! Emmanuel Sol. I said you had a little place off of Seventh, said it looked like you were an independent slinger looking to link up with a bigger organization. Just like you told people. But please. I need your help.” Rook’s voice had gone high, he was breathing fast. 

Cassian needed more information. “How did you know my name?” He growled in Rook’s ear. 

Rook shivered. “I’m not—I’m not dumb. Once I knew you were a cop with the Eighty-Seventh, I looked you up. Your co-workers tagged you on facebook.” 

Cassian muttered an epithet. “I swear, InfoSec is the most useless department...”

“I’m not going to tell anyone. I want—” The man went quiet. He continued in a tone of voice so soft Cassian had to lean in to hear. “I want out. I have information the police are going to want. Something big is going down.” 

Cassian sighed. He kept Rook pinned a moment longer, but he realized he had already made his decision. “We shouldn’t talk here.” He released Rook’s arm and started to step back. 

Just then the pulsing from the club got louder. The back door swung open and raucous male laughter echoed from the open back door. Voices echoed down the alleyway. 

“Hey Mate! No murderin’ people outside the club!” seemed to be directed at them. 

Cassian thought fast. Rook, apparently, thought faster. His hips pressed back against Cassian’s and he gave a loud moan, spreading his fingers against the wall. “Oh! Yes...right there!” 

“Aw, come on, nobody wants to see that.”

Rook moaned louder, gyrating a bit. Cassian put his hand on Rook’s waist and buried his head between Rook’s shoulder blades. That should keep him from being identified. It also sold the bit. 

The voice made another noise of displeasure and receded and went back inside. 

Bodhi separated their bodies, turned and gave Cassian a sheepish look. “Sorry about that. Raj is a fuckin’ homophobe, but he’s not going to start anything outside the club.” 

“Quick thinking.” Cassian tried to ignore the slight tightness in his pants and hoped his breath was even. Danger and a young man (an attractive young man, Cassian’s libido noted) pressed up against him were a potent combination for his body, no matter the protests his brain put up. 

Rook gave a quick sigh of relief, straightening a little more. “I’m just glad you didn’t shoot me. So, um, you said something about getting out of here?” 

“Yeah. Is my car still safe?” 

“Yes. Like I said, I didn’t blow your cover. I swear I’m the only one who knows.” 

“Alright. Come on, then.”

* * *

Eight hours later, the sun was rising on a new day and Cassian hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to the old one. After dropping Rook off at the precinct with his supervisor, Draven, Cassian had been ordered back out in the field, trying to do damage control, see if Rook was being honest about not blowing his cover. 

As near as Cassian could tell, he was still in the clear. Nobody seemed to notice his absence or his meeting with Bodhi. He spent a long night playing the hustling Emmanuel Sol, cautiously courting the gang. Interested, but not asking to be jumped in outright. Negotiating. 

It was exhausting. He stumbled back into the precinct, whole body aching. He was setting up camp by the coffee machine when Sergeant Tonc came up behind him. 

“Hey, Sarge, you know what happened to the Imp I brought in?”

Tonc reached over, refilling his own mug. “Man, you haven’t heard? Whatever he had to say got the Feds in here. They rolled up and took over. Kid’s been in there with their interrogator for hours now. It’s brutal.” 

Cassian’s forehead furrowed. “He didn’t seem hostile.”

Tonc shrugged. “Can’t speak to that. All I know is, he talked to Draven for about five minutes before Draven left, looking pale, Feds rolled in twenty minutes later. Kid’s been in there since. Fastest damn response I’ve ever seen.”

“Which room? I’ll check out Observation.” 

“Five.” 

Cassian tipped his mug to Tonc, pulled himself together, and shuffled his way down to the observation room.

Tonc was right about one thing. It was brutal. 

Cassian hadn’t interacted with Rook for long but the kid had seemed to be sharp, creative, defiant, and sure, a little nervous. He had talked quickly, sure and certain in his message. 

All that was gone, now. Bodhi was...a mess. He was shackled to the desk, a bruise was blooming high on his right cheek. Clear tear-tracks ran down his face. He was sweat-damp, hair in loose strands sticking to his face, dark patches splotching his shirt. He was shaking, licking his lips like his mouth was dry. 

The interrogator, a giant of a man, slammed his hands down on the table. Bodhi flinched away from the sound “You’re making all this up!” he yelled in Bodhi’s face. 

“I’m not. I swear I’m not,” Bodhi babbled. “I told you. Galen! He knows. Galen knows.” 

Bodhi was interrupted by the interviewer’s hacking cough. The cough went on for what felt like hours before the man turned back to Bodhi. “Lies! All you’re telling me is lies!” 

Bodhi’s shoulders shook, “I _swear_ to you. I am telling the _truth_. I swear. I swear.” He started rocking back and forth. 

The interrogator opened his mouth, “There’s no reason”—he started hacking again—”For me to believe a gang member”—inhale turned into wet coughing—“who got dragged in here.”

“I wasn’t dragged. I defected. I defected.” Bodhi’s voice was barely a whisper. 

Cassian realized that at some point he had clenched his fingers so tight around the mug he might break it. He forced his hands to relax and turned to Draven, also watching. Draven’s arms were folded and he looked impassive, but Cassian could read his clenched fingers and set jaw. He was deeply unhappy. 

“How long has this been going on for?” Cassian asked. 

“Six hours, forty-nine minutes.” Draven replied, pressing his lips into a thin line afterward. 

“Has he actually got anything useful?” 

“Not for the past five hours. Kid talked, as much as he could, but Agent Saw Guerra,” Draven’s voice was condescending around the name, “keeps cutting him off. It’s sloppy technique.”

“That guy’s been in there the whole time?” 

Draven grunted. “No. I asked for a meeting with him, Saw swapped out with his partner, Agent Bor. I wasn’t watching, but whatever Bor did was a mindfuck. When I came back, kid was crying, Saw just tore into him. That’s been the last four hours. We need to get the kid out of there, before Agents Guerra and Bor fuck him up so badly he’s unintelligible.” 

Cassian gave a long look over at Draven. “Sir, I’ve run into a situation in my recent undercover assignment that requires the utilization of a potential witness I brought in.”

A tiny smirk grew on the side of Draven’s mouth. “I can make that stick. Buy you a couple hours, at least.”

Cassian set down his coffee mug and with a sharp nod to Draven stalked his way into the interrogation room.

* * *

Agent Guerra was not pleased to loose his interrogation subject and said so loudly. Cassian managed to keep his voice calm. He walked to the table, Agent Guerra yelling after him. Bodhi looked up at him and flinched.

Cassian didn’t let it show how much that hurt. After all, he had dropped Bodhi off here. This was at least partially his fault. He pulled out the keys and uncuffed Bodhi. The skin around the cuffs was red and starting to welt. Cassian offered his hand to help him stand up, Bodhi refused it, shakily standing on his own. 

Draven came in and started speaking with Agent Guerra. As the yelling ceased, Cassian said, as casually as he could. “There’s a situation I need to run by you. I’m taking custody, for the moment.” 

Bodhi’s face was carefully blank. Cassian nodded toward the door, following Bodhi through it. 

Bodhi’s eyes darted up and down the hallway. He flinched at noises, breathing still coming fast and ragged. 

“Come on.” Cassian said, and turned to walk trusting Bodhi to follow.

Bodhi followed him quietly back into the breakroom. Cassian poured a half glass of water and pushed it into Bodhi’s hands. “Drink as slowly as you can or you’ll make yourself sick. There’s plenty more water, you’ll get your fill.”

Bodhi swallowed three big gulps of the before he forced the cup away, waited impatient for a second, took another swallow, then another. Cassian poured himself a mug of coffee while Bodhi drank. When Bodhi finished with the cup he looked down at it, then over at the sink. He started toward the sink, then stopped himself. 

“Go ahead.” Cassian waved the coffee pot. “You want a mug of this, after the water?” 

Bodhi took a shaky breath, sipped at the water some more. “Yes please.” His voice was hoarse and cracking. 

Cassian nodded, poured a second cup. “How do you take it?” 

Big brown eyes watched Cassian carefully, looking for a trap. Cassian returned the gaze, as calm as he could. 

“Black, two sugar packets.” 

Cassian nodded and turned to the sugar bowl. It was only when his back was turned to Bodhi that he let the grimace show on his face. Just how badly could someone fuck up an interrogation with a cooperating witness? There was nothing Bodhi had done to merit that level of care, Cassian was certain. He’d have to be careful, rebuild trust. 

He heard the sink refill, and Cassian turned back to him. Bodhi stared at his once-again full glass of water, but didn’t immediately drink from it. 

“Better?” Cassian asked, holding both mugs. 

A nod. “You said there was a situation?” 

Cassian felt a surge of affection for the kid. Three minutes out of the interrogation from hell and he was already willing to help out. “Not here. Let’s go back to my office, we can chat.”

Cassian got Bodhi settled into the desk chair of what was technically Draven’s office. Cassian set down the mug of coffee, two sugars, in front of him, and with his own mug settled into the chair on the other side of the desk. He leaned back, casual, trying to frame the situation as relaxed, with Bodhi in charge. 

Cassian took a breath. “The situation is that the damn FBI were fucking with you for no good reason, and I needed an excuse to get you out of there.” 

Bodhi set down his water glass with a thunk and looked at Cassian, startled. 

Cassian ran his fingers through his hair, leaning forward as he did so. “So sorry about that. Didn’t know that was going to happen. Actually…” Cassian paused. Draven was going to kill him. “Did you get the chance to lawyer up? Might be good for you to have someone on your side.” 

Bodhi shook his head. “No. It’s alright, I trust you.”

“I’m a cop, Rook. I don’t have your best interests in heart. Be smart.”

Bodhi picked up the mug and blew on it, taking a sip. His face softened a little, and he set the mug back down. “No. Lawyer might take too much time. I know what I came here to do. Something is going down, big, in the Imps. I tried to tell the FBI about it but—” Bodhi broke off, one suddenly shaking hand covering his other wrist as he curled in on himself a little.

“They didn’t let you talk.” Cassian reached across the table and wrapped his fingers around Bodhi’s hand, pulling it gently off of his wrist. Cassian took the arm carefully between his hands, looked at the marks where the handcuff line was. 

“No.” Bodhi had a strange note to his voice as he watched Cassian handle his arm. 

Cassian let go with one hand and pulled out his phone camera. “Mind if I?” Cassian looked up and gestured at Bodhi’s arm with the phone. 

Bodhi gave a small shake of his head, a little bit of color creeping into his cheeks. Cassian held the phone out and took pictures of Bodhi’s injured wrists, first one hand, then setting it down and carefully adjusting Bodhi’s head to get a shot of the bruise on his cheekbone. Bodhi breathed in quickly as Cassian’s fingers brushed his chin. Then Cassian picked up the other arm, documenting the injuries there, as well. 

“Fuck. Is that an injection site?” Cassian ran his fingers close to the small red dot, taking a picture. 

Bodhi shivered, whether from the touch or the memory Cassian couldn’t tell. “I don’t shoot up. Don’t even use. But nobody’s going to believe that. Agent Bor said. His word against mine. He turned off the cameras. No witnesses...” 

“Agent Bor was the one who did this?” Cassian’s grip tightened on Bodhi’s arm before forcing himself to relax, anger no doubt showing on his face.

“Yeah. Made me jittery, I can’t concentrate, can’t—I swear, it’s the truth...” Bodhi trailed off, eyes becoming distant again. 

Cassian gave Bodhi’s hand a soft squeeze. “I believe you. I’m just furious. It was unnecessary, and you could have been badly hurt.”

Bodhi came back to the present, squeezed Cassian’s hand back. “Thanks. I need to tell you what’s going on, though. I’m in trouble.” He shook his head. “No, the whole city is in trouble.” 

“Alright.” Cassian tucked the phone away. “I can help. Tell me what’s going on.”


	2. Uncomfortable Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi shares his story and finds out he probably should have hired a lawyer after all. Cassian shares more feelings than he intends to and tries to focus on the job.

* * *

Cassian had assumed that Bodhi was being justifiably overdramatic. After all, when a person was involved with something, it could feel like it was the whole city, the whole world. Cassian had expected that Bodhi's news would be personally devastating, have serious complications for gang warfare and the neighborhoods it happened in, and be largely unnoticed by those lucky enough to escape those sorts of places. Bad, but the usual sorts of bad.

Bodhi was not being overdramatic. If anything he was being underdramatic. 

Orson Krennic, shotcaller for the local Imp cell, was expecting a shipment of chemical weapons. These gas canisters were the sorts of weapons _banned by international treaty_. The sorts of weapons that didn’t just “cause deaths”; they had a death toll.

“It’s a city-killer.” Bodhi had said. He was right. 

Galen Erso was a scientist with enough clearance to have a connect for the sorts of weapons that weren’t supposed to exist anywhere in the world. He was working with Krennic.

“I don’t think he’s there voluntarily.” Bodhi’s fingers tapped against the coffee mug. “I think Krennic’s got shit on him. I started doing pickups and dropoffs to his office and he always seemed...sad. But he left his phone open and unlocked one day, near me. That’s how I got the info. Copied as much of it as I could onto my phone and waited for a chance to find someone who could fix this mess.” 

“What would Krennic even want with this sort of power?” Cassian mused as he processed.

“Doesn’t matter what he wants. He’s got a nasty way of thinking. Whatever happens will be bad.” Bodhi shivered, hunching over his mug. “He’s a monster. I’m a monster. I worked for them. I saw a way to make a buck and provide for my mom and I didn’t even think to ask—” 

“You’ll drive yourself crazy, thinking that way. The important thing is that you’re here now. Is your mom safe?” Cassian asked. It was the first time Bodhi had mentioned any family. 

“No. Yes. I don’t—She’s dead. That’s what I’m trying to say. Died a little while back. All the money in the world can’t kill cancer.”

“Oh. That’s…” Cassian trailed off, swallowing awkwardly. “So is there anyone who would be put in danger by you getting out? Anyone they can hang over your head?” 

Bodhi shook his head. “No. That’s depressing, now that I’ve said it out loud.”

“Makes things easier, though.” Cassian didn’t like how personal that sentence sounded as it left his mouth. Less like a cop, more like a confession. 

“I guess...I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. How do we stop it?” 

There was a tap at the window to Draven's office. Draven stood outside. Cassian looked back over at Bodhi. “Let me talk to some people, we’ll figure this out.” 

Bodhi looked concerned. 

Cassian reached across the desk again, placed his hand on Bodhi’s shoulder. “Rook, listen, you got the message out. You’ve done what you needed to do. It was hard, but you’ve done your job. Let us do ours, now.”

* * *

Cassian stepped outside the door to the office and blinked in surprise as he saw Chief Leia Organa standing just to the side of Draven. He waited until he heard the door ‘snick’ shut behind him before nodding at both of them. He waited for them to speak.

Draven started. “We've made sure the FBI is aware of the situation, beyond just Bor and Guerra. Unfortunately, the FBI are unable to confirm a weapons shipment with just the information Rook has reported and brought in copied on his phone.

“So they’ll put resources on it. That’s why they exist.” Cassian’s instincts told him it wasn’t that simple.

“It’s not that simple.” Chief Organa cut in. “Feds are requiring additional confirmation prior to intensive resource dedication. Rook needs to go back in and get us that information.”

“What?” Cassian’s voice went sharp. 

“He needs to go back in or else we’re prosecuting him. This is straight from the DA. We don’t have anything else, but he’s admitted to drug and weapons trafficking,” Draven said. “We can get him on that. Either he gets us more information, or he’s going down on the trafficking counts.” 

Cassian felt rage run through him. Bodhi was here voluntarily, he just wanted out and he wanted his city to be safe. He didn’t deserve this. “I want a guarantee—” 

Organa cut in, not unkind, but utterly firm, “You’re a cop, Andor, not a lawyer. And right now your job is to get us more information.” 

“My job?”

“You’ll run this one. Or Agent Guerra will. Considering what we saw of his interrogation...” Draven trailed off, meaningfully. 

Cassian crammed his anger down, his reluctance, his sense of unfairness. He had orders. He had a job to do. “Yes. I’ll do it.”

“Good.” Organa nodded. “Go save the city.”

* * *

Cassian let himself back in Draven’s office. Bodhi still sat, hands curled around the mug of coffee. He looked exhausted. As Cassian came in he looked up and smiled. It was a tiny, exhausted smile, but utterly genuine. 

Cassian hated himself for what he was about to do. 

Feeling bile rise in his stomach but trying to keep his face impassive, he picked up the chair he had been sitting in and settled it down next to Bodhi. Cassian sat down in the chair, elbows on knees, chin resting on his interlocked fingers. 

“That’s not a happy face.” Bodhi said. Panic leaked into Bodhi’s voice and his eyes went wide. “Did they not believe me? Are they going to ignore it?” 

“They don’t think you’re lying, and they believe the weapon exists, but there’s a lot of additional information we need.” Cassian shifted and started counting things out on his fingers. “We don’t know when the shipment is coming in, or from who, what route it will take. We don’t know what the weaknesses are. We don’t know why Krennic wants to deploy it and most importantly we don’t know how to stop it before it gets deployed.” Cassian stopped, tapping at his thumb. “And we don’t have a good source in the gang to get us this intel. I’ve been working on getting in but...” Cassian trailed off. 

Bodhi’s face had hardened while Cassian was talking. His shoulders slumped, and he leaned back against the chair, hard. “It’s me, isn’t it. They want me to go back.” Bodhi wrapped his arms around himself. 

“Yes.” Cassian strove for emotionlessness. “Right now the department is asking you to become my criminal informant and go back under cover with the Imps to get us the information we need.” 

“And if I don’t?” Bodhi tightened his hands on his own elbows. His voice was soft and small. 

“Then the information you have already provided will—” 

Cassian cut himself off. Anger surged up inside of him and he couldn’t maintain his careful neutrality. He slammed his hand against Draven’s desk. He heard Bodhi start next to him. Cassian curled his fingers around the edge of the desk, trying to use the touch to ground himself. He kept his eyes fixed on his hands as he spoke again, tone was angry and sharp. “They’re going to prosecute you. Drug and weapons trafficking. So your choices are to go back to the gang or go to prison.” 

Cassian stayed staring at his hand. Bodhi was quiet and as the anger faded embarrassment surged. He hadn’t meant to snap like that. He wasn’t sure why this one was hitting him as hard as it was. He was supposed to be able to make hard calls for the sake of the future. But...Cassian had become a cop because he wanted to save lives. Right now he felt like he was ruining the life of the kid next to him. 

Bodhi shifted and Cassian braced for his anger. Instead, Bodhi leaned forward and laid a hand against Cassian’s arm. Cassian looked over at Bodhi who looked concerned. A little scared. He didn’t look angry. Cassian couldn’t figure out why. 

“Rook, I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect them to—” 

“Hey,” Bodhi cut him off, squeezing his hand against Cassian’s arm. “I did do those things, you know.” Bodhi said. “I deserve to be prosecuted for them. No, wait, let me finish,” he said quickly as Cassian opened his mouth to protest. “I’d also like the chance to make this right. If I can help, I will.” 

Cassian reached out his other hand and covered Bodhi’s patting it twice. Here was someone deep in the life, who somehow found the courage to turn himself over to the police. And he didn’t do it conditionally. Instead, he did it to keep other people safe. Cassian was extremely… _impressed_ by Bodhi Rook. 

He pulled his hands back into his own lap. “You can do more than help. And at the end of this, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you get out safe. You deserve a shot at a better life.”

Bodhi looked at Cassian, head tipped to the side. His eyes were a little shiny. “Not sure about deserve. But I’ll take one, regardless.” Bodhi licked his lips quickly, glancing to the side, “Would I be working with you or...” Bodhi swallowed hard, shooting a glance out the door. 

Cassian shook his head, pulling himself back together. “Me. I should be able to keep you away from our federal friends.” 

Bodhi gave an obvious sigh of relief. 

Cassian worked the problem, using the flow of information to calm himself down. “The first thing to figure out is whether or not you’ll be in any trouble for the missing time. Any appointments you were supposed to be at?”

Bodhi mirrored Cassian’s attitude, thoughtful look on his face. “No. Don’t think so. It was my night off, and I’m not...friendly with them when I don’t have to be. I’ll be in trouble if I’m not around by the afternoon, though.” 

“That won’t be an issue. Unfortunately,” Cassian’s jaw clenched as he struggled to keep his tone even. “You have some marks on you. Hiding them is best, but you should have a story worked out for how you got them.” 

Bodhi rubbed his wrist, curling in again. Then, to Cassian’s surprise, he straightened up and grinned, tossing a wink at Cassian. “Oh, you know, I picked up a bloke and went back to his place. Turns out he was into wilder stuff than I realized. Hell of a night. Lucky I got out of there in one piece.” 

Cassian blinked at Bodhi. “Rook, do all your cover stories involve sexual escapades?” 

Bodhi laughed. “If you can think of a better explanation for handcuff bruises that won’t invite follow-up questions I’d love to hear it.” 

Cassian thought for a long second, then shook his head. “I can’t. It’s a neat story, even explains why you weren’t at your place if anyone stopped by.” 

Bodhi gave a slightly smug smirk. 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “You’re going to be insufferable to work with, aren’t you. Alright. Let’s figure out where we can meet up in the future. Can’t have you coming back to the precinct all the time.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Before we move on, though...no problem with the part of that sentence where I said ‘bloke’?” 

“I’m bi.” Cassian said without thinking. He blinked then said quickly, “Not that that’s relevant. In any way. Your sexuality will not cause issues.” 

Bodhi gave a short laugh. “Alright, alright.” There was a glint in his eyes, then he apparently decided to take mercy on Cassian, “There’s a cafe off of Pine. Wouldn’t raise too many eyes if I’m seen there, but it’s not terribly likely too many people would be around. It’s overpriced hipster shit. Not too many homies go for that.” 

“Sounds good.”


	3. Unanticipated Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi gives Cassian new information and new emotions. Cassian is not particularly pleased about either.

* * *

Cassian sipped at his lavender vanilla latte. He wrinkled his nose. It tasted like soap mixed with burnt beans. Overpriced hipster shit indeed.

Bodhi slid in across from him with a chocolate milk. 

“Chocolate milk?” Cassian raised an eyebrow.

“Only thing on the drinks menu I trusted. How’s your latte?” Bodhi asked pointedly. 

“Fantastic.” Cassian said, and proceeded to not touch it. 

Bodhi chuckled. 

“So,” Cassian said, keeping his voice low, “I see you’re still alive. Everything go smoothly?” 

“Yeah, no problems. I was fuckin’ exhausted, but aside from that, fine.”

Cassian nodded, “Of course you were exhausted. That was a...long night. Any progress to report? I know it’s only been a couple days, but…” 

“Nothing too major. Whatever’s going on, it’s happening in Galen’s building, for sure. It’s not the sort of thing you can casually drop inta’ conversation, though.”

“We can figure out an approach—”

“Hang on, lemme finish. I did get myself assigned as the regular driver to that building. It’s a bit out of the way and the roads are a bitch, so most drivers don’t want it. I said I liked one of the lunch joints near there. It’ll give me an excuse to be around. Sorry I haven’t actually found anything yet. I’m looking...” 

“You’re doing good.” Cassian raised his eyebrows. “Second...third day, depending on how you count it, and you’ve already established a presence. It’s an important first step. We’re on track.” 

Bodhi gave a small smile. “Alright.”

“So what’s the next step?” 

“I still think that Galen left that phone out on purpose. If I can get him talking…” Bodhi wrinkled his nose. “It’s dangerous, but it’s the best lead I can think of.” 

Cassian nodded. “You’ve got good instincts. But you’re right. It is dangerous. Figure out your approach and control everything you can. Environment, who’s around, time, all of it.” 

“Right. Right.” Bodhi sipped at his milk and gave Cassian a half-smile. “I know these are ridiculously high stakes, but it does feel kind of fun. Like I’m a cop on TV or something…” 

Bodhi wasn’t a cop. Bodhi should be well on his way to witness protection already. He shouldn’t have to be here, doing the job of qualified professionals because the FBI was too stingy with its assets.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m not trying to say that I’m as good as a cop, or that your job is entertainment, or anything…” Bodhi said, misreading Cassian’s concern and shrinking. 

“No, no, that’s not it. I’d just...I’d rather you were safe. But you are doing important work. Just like those cops on TV shows.” Cassian smiled at Bodhi. “You’d make a decent cop, Rook.” 

Bodhi gave a sad smile. “Different life, maybe.”

“Well, in this life, we’ve got—”

“Love, this one’s adorable. Look at his jaw!” They were interrupted by the barista, who was grinning and winking and Bodhi. She came over to the table and tossed down a slice of pie. She turned to Cassian, “You’re a lucky man. I would have rolled Bodhi ages ago if he wasn’t battin’ for the opposition. Shame about that. He’s a pretty one.” She paused and gave Cassian a slow once over. “Well, so are you, so it’s a good match. You two have a nice time now!” The barista patted Cassian’s face twice and walked away. 

Cassian blinked slowly after her. He looked back over at Bodhi, who was a little flushed. 

Bodhi cleared his throat. “You...may not be the first gent I’ve taken here in an attempt to keep...work and personal life separated? Sorry, should have warned you how it would look.” 

Cassian pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Oh, apple cranberry, she likes you.” Bodhi speared some of the pie on the fork and held it up for Cassian. “Hey, she’s watching, act natural.”

Cassian looked at the fork skeptically. Natural was not letting your _informant_ feed you pie. 

“Look, the coffee is shit, the pie is amazing. Try some.” 

Not sure of what else he could do, Cassian reluctantly leaned forward and closed his mouth around the fork. His eyes flew open and he made a pleased sound as he ate the pie. “That is good.” 

“Toldja so.” Bodhi took a bite. Then another. 

Cassian darted his hand out and grabbed the fork away from Bodhi, who made a noise of protest. Cassian informed him, mouth full, “We got the pie because she likes my jaw. I demand my fair share.” 

Bodhi looked at Cassian a long moment then dissolved into giggles. Cassian blamed the warmth in his belly on the pie.

* * *

Cassian insisted on changing the meeting place. They were too memorable in the cafe, and if someone came asking around…

“Buy you a drink?” An older man, silver running through his brown hair, asked Bodhi. 

“Ah, no thank you.” Bodhi smiled at the man before turning back to Cassian.

Cassian was beginning to suspect that this new meeting spot wasn’t any better. It should have worked, in theory. The salsa music rang out over the speakers, masking conversation. The mass of moving bodies should have allowed them to just blend into the crowd. 

Should. 

“Hey, sexy, wanna take a turn?” a man with entirely too much gel in his hair asked Bodhi.

Bodhi brushed him off, turning back to Cassian. Cassian stepped a little closer, trying to deter any hopeful eyes. 

“Anyway, like I said, I’ve got real information this time!” Bodhi leaned into him, his body nearly bouncing with excitement. “So, last couple days I’ve been at the office during lunchtime, offered to make a sandwich run, you know, that sort of thing.

“Care to dance?” a young man with hopeful eyes interrupted. 

“Oh, no, thank you.” Bodhi smiled at the young man until he vanished back into the crowd and leaned back toward Cassian. “We were right, he’s not there voluntarily. They’re—”

“Gorgeous, you have to let me buy you a drink.” 

“You’re very kind, but I’m talking to my friend.” Bodhi waved him off. “They’re blackmailing—”

“Oh for the love of…” Cassian cut Bodhi off this time, as he watched a man wearing a eye-searingly green shirt start to edge closer to Bodhi again. Cassian glared at the man and took another step closer to Bodhi, arms nearly brushing now. 

Green-shirt backed away. 

“Sorry. I always have this problem when I’m new to a club.”

“I’m beginning to get self-esteem issues.” 

“No, no, you just look intimidating. It’s good! People think twice before hitting on you. Me, I’m too fuckin’ approachable.” 

“I’m not intimidating enough that they’d stop hitting on my date.” 

“Andor. I don’t have a drink and you’re not dancing with me. I’m not your date.” 

Cassian eyed the dance floor. Actually, moving around would give them a clear view of the room, and they could talk uninterrupted. Not the worst plan. “Alright then. Would you care to dance?”

Bodhi looked at Cassian’s hand for a long moment, then looked back up at Cassian. “I’m sorry, I’m just having difficulty with the idea that you actually know how to roll your hips.” 

Well. Cassian had never been one to back down from a challenge. “Is that a no?” 

“Oh, hell no, I’m not missin’ my chance to watch you embarrass yourself.” 

Cassian took Bodhi out to the dance floor. He started as basic as salsa got, taking Bodhi’s hands in a loose hold, started the forward and backward movement. Rook caught on quickly, rolling his hips and smirking a challenge. Not bad. 

Bodhi tried talking again, quiet enough that none of the other dancers would overhear, but Cassian was too far away in the loose hold. Cassian lead him into a spin, keeping the rhythm going as he pulled Bodhi closer. 

Bodhi stumbled a little at the spin, but found his footing and leaned close. “Galen’s being blackmailed by Krennic. He got a line on Galen’s kid.” The dance took him a little ways away. As they swayed back together, Bodhi continued, “Daughter. He’ll put a hit on her if Galen doesn’t do as he says.” 

Another couple nearly crashed into them, and Cassian pushed Bodhi out, spinning him around. Bodhi grinned and went with flair, now that he was expecting it, flicking his hands out and nearly sauntering back into the close hold. 

“But that’s not all I found out.” Bodhi managed a shimmy that caught the eyes of at least two other people on the dance floor. Cassian moved the dance around so that he was between Bodhi and the appreciating eyes, flicking Bodhi out and pulling him back in. Bodhi followed Cassian’s lead beautifully. With some impressively complicated footwork, Bodhi wound up close to Cassian again. “I know the ship the weapons are coming in on.” 

“Oh well done.” Cassian murmured back. “Do you know where?” 

The beat let them sway together for a couple seconds. “It’s coming into Scarif…” the dance pulled Bodhi out and away, he turned, coming back in on Cassian’s right. “Shield Harbor…” Out again, back in on the left, “Dock number…”

And Bodhi danced away again. It was really impossible to hold still while dancing the salsa, and Cassian was getting a little frustrated with getting the information in bits and pieces. Time to change the steps. As the beat pulled them close again, Cassian pulled Bodhi in close, _closer_ , his leg between Bodhi’s and his hand in the small of Bodhi’s back. Bodhi, looking delighted, threw his head back into the dip that hold was meant for. 

And… _oh_...Cassian had made a terrible mistake. Bodhi was _beautiful_. He was smiling and relaxed, the line of his narrow jaw leading to his long throat down to his collarbones, neatly framed by the V-neck of his button-up shirt that Cassian suddenly wanted to _rip off of him_...

As Bodhi came back up out of the dip Cassian’s hand decided it knew what to do in the absence of reasonable input from his brain. It slid up Bodhi’s back, pinning his torso against Cassian. 

Bodhi, in response, gave a happy gasp against his neck. That noise caused the spark of Cassian’s arousal to catch flame, a moment later Bodhi gyrated against Cassian’s leg and the flame turned into a bonfire. Want burned through his body. The two of them hung in that hold a beat, two beats, three beats longer than they should have, when Bodhi whispered into Cassian’s ear, breathless, “Dock number Seventy-six.” 

Cassian crashed back to reality. He was Bodhi’s _handler_ and Bodhi was his _informant_ and this, right here, was unacceptable. Unethical. The power imbalance alone—Cassian took a step back, wanting to flee back to the table, but that would be suspicious. So they continued their dance, Cassian using the hold to keep Bodhi at a safe distance. 

Bodhi seemed unaware of Cassian’s internal struggle. He grinned and let go of Cassian’s hands, executing a fast spin without Cassian leading him, his long hair whipping around. 

Cassian ached for him. Cassian was desperate to put his hands on Bodhi’s stupidly beautiful body again. Cassian was in so much trouble.

Cassian couldn’t make himself grab Bodhi again, worried that he would wind up molesting his informant before the dance was over. Bodhi raised his eyebrows at Cassian when Cassian was slow on the pickup. 

Bodhi shrugged, changed holds, switching to lead. He reached out to Cassian and pulled him back in. Cassian went.

God help him, he went.

The dance was as modest as salsa got for a handful of beats, then Bodhi turned and dipped Cassian down, using the moment when his body was bent over Cassian’s, supporting and holding him, to say soft against his ear, “Ship is flying the Greek flag.” Cassian shivered in the dip, and it had nothing to do with Bodhi’s information.

Salsa was a terrible choice. It required movement, a flirtation of forward and backward. So Cassian was stuck, stuck by his own poor choices, lead further away and closer still by Bodhi, getting slivers of information whenever they were close enough. 

One moment he was at arm’s length, and he felt like he could breathe, and the next Bodhi had him twisted around in a spin, grabbing Cassian’s arm behind his back to guide him close again. Bodhi whispered to him the ship name and they separated. 

Cassian barely had time to get a grip on himself before another complicated twist had Cassian’s back against Bodhi’s front, Bodhi’s breath against his shoulder and his hips against his ass. Their hips slowly circled together and Cassian choked off a groan. 

At some point Bodhi had stopped giving information. They were just...dancing. Bodhi guided Cassian through the steps, further out and then closer, closer, closer. The song ended and they were pressed up against each other faces so close they could share each other’s breath. Cassian felt the _heat_ coming off Bodhi, saw how dilated Bodhi’s pupil’s were, and if he moved his head just a little bit closer... 

_‘No.’_ Cassian could not, _would not_ , do that. That would be a violation on so many levels. Cassian stepped out of Bodhi’s arms and quickly walked off the dance floor. 

He shouldn’t...he couldn’t do that again. He was far more compromised by his informant than he had realized. That manhandling on the dance floor was abuse of power. 

Cassian could recover from this. He would apologize and be very clear about boundaries in the future. They were never, ever, going to do that again. 

“I take back every bad thing I said about your hips. They are a work of art. We need to do that again!” Bodhi grinned at Cassian.

Cassian had a sinking feeling that he was in a great deal of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the first three chapters, just in time to catch the end of Bodhicassian Week on tumblr. Hope you've enjoyed it, and I'm excited to keep on trucking with this story!


	4. Unwelcome Transitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian tries to keep things professional. Bodhi tries to do rather the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead)  
> for being idea plotter, first reader, and the catcher of my most egregious grammar errors. The mistakes that remain are entirely my own fault. :)

* * *

“This is significantly more boring than a salsa club.” Bodhi said, looking critically at the fabric swatch in front of him. 

“That’s because it’s a textile museum.” 

The Edau University Textile Museum was the least sensual place Cassian could think of that might still work as a meeting place. Maintaining a careful minimum of at least six inches between himself and his informant at all times, Cassian was collected. Professional. 

Bodhi, on the other hand, seemed to think that six inches was the maximum safe distance. This conflict of interest had lead to a lot of uncomfortable shuffling. Every time Bodhi stepped close there was a sort of glint in his eye. Cassian was quickly learning to associate that glint with trouble. 

He really shouldn’t like that glint as much as he did. _‘You’re a professional, Andor.’_ He shouldn’t need to remind himself of that as often as he did, either. 

Despite the barely museum-appropriate flirtation, Bodhi was still a font of information. He had the school Galen’s daughter attended. He was getting a reputation among Galen’s crew being a trusted driver who could get around the one-way streets and traffic traps faster than almost anyone else. He had a timeline. 

Two weeks to the weapon shipment. 

This was bad. 

Cassian was running numbers in his head and trying to figure out a plan of attack when Bodhi muttered, “Shit,” and grabbed his arm, violating their six-inch truce. 

Cassian was going to recoil when Bodhi pointed down at the pamphlet Cassian was holding and then back up to the exhibit, “Fuck,” Bodhi muttered, tilting his head and looking puzzled at the exhibit. “Slash and Boxer are here. They’re the muscle attached to Galen’s crew. They know my face, for sure. Not sure if they’ve seen me yet.” 

“What are two people named Slash and Boxer doing in a _textile museum_?” Cassian looked for an exit. 

“I don’t know? Maybe they wanted some culture?” 

“I’m Sol, if they see us. Hopefully they don’t. We’ve got to get out of here.” 

“Right.” Bodhi sounded shaky. 

“It’s going to be okay. Remember, even if they see us, we’re not doing anything suspicious.” 

“I don’t know about you, _Sol_ , but I’m not really known as an arts and culture sort of chap.” 

“Sol loves fabric art.” Cassian said, utterly serious.

“Right, right.” Bodhi’s voice was significantly higher than it normally would be. 

Cassian meandered toward the next exhibit closer to the door. And the next. He forced himself to make casual chatter about weaving patterns while his heart pounded in his chest. Three to the exit, then two, then, “Eh! Rook, man, fancy meeting you here!” 

Two enormous seeming men stepped up behind them. Cassian knew he was never going to win any height competitions, and Bodhi was even shorter than he was, but these two really brought their...compact...nature home. One of the two sported a misshapen nose (Boxer, Cassian guessed) and the other had an impressive scar running along his jaw (and that would be Slash).

“Boxer!” Bodhi gave the man with the scar an elaborate handshake. 

Cassian took a brief moment to curse the world for not making sense. This was quickly followed by gratitude that the nerves rattling Bodhi a second ago were nowhere to be found. _‘Works well under pressure.’_ Cassian noted. 

“Who’s your friend?” Slash asked. There was a layer of suspicion in his voice. Cassian did his best to relax into Emmanuel Sol. Emmanuel wasn’t a cop. He didn’t have anything to be concerned about. He was just a street-level dealer hanging with a driver for a gang he was considering joining. At a textile museum. Not suspicious at all. 

“This is Manny. Emmanuel Sol.”

“And how do you know Rook?” Boxer asked. 

“We’re cousins.” Cassian replied, casual. He and Rook didn’t really look related, and their heritage was pretty obviously different. Still, ‘cousin’ could be a vague term. And it explained why they were spending time together. 

Boxer tipped his head to the side. Slash narrowed his eyes. They both looked suspicious. Cassian felt his heart rachet up again. What if they knew he was a cop? That wasn’t good. This whole meeting could be a trap, more people outside. 

Cassian started considering scenarios. He was pretty sure he could take out Slash and Boxer, but not without making a fuss in the quiet museum. That’d trip the alert of any lookouts. 

If Cassian covered him, Bodhi could probably make a run for it. But the Imps would put a hit on Bodhi for sure. On top of that, Cassian wasn’t entirely sure the department would protect Bodhi. Hell, they might still prosecute him, information or no. Bodhi would die less than a week into prison, if it went that way. 

Cassian considered running with Bodhi and just...running. Leaving both of their lives behind and forging something new. Cassian thought back to that wretched dance. Find a life where one dance could turn into a night of dancing could turn into tumbling into sheets together— 

Cassian forced his thoughts away from that with a sharp twinge of guilt. Bodhi didn’t need his lust-fueled daydreams. Bodhi needed him present and collected. Bodhi needed someone who could get him out of here safely. The best bet was to talk their way out.

So Cassian kept his face calm, slightly guarded. That would be expected. Body posture relaxed. Still, legs at shoulder width, weight on the balls of the foot. He wasn’t planning on starting violence, but he was ready for it if it came. He waited for the gang members to make the first move. 

He was not expecting Boxer to drawl out skeptically, “Right. _Cousins._ ”

He was definitely not expecting Slash to snort through his crooked nose and start chuckling, Boxer joining in.

“Hey, we heard about you tearing up the club. _Cousins_ don’t dance like that.”

He was absolutely not expecting their chuckles to be joined by Bodhi’s laughter, bright and relaxed. 

“Hey, be cool. We’re keeping it quiet. His name is ‘Emmanuel’, what do you expect? His mom is like, old school Catholic.” Bodhi raised his eyebrows and tipped his head to the side.

“Aw, shit, it’s hard when it’s your mum.” Slash nodded sympathetically. “Alright, Cuz.” 

Cassian blinked, trying to catch up with the conversation and return to a world that made sense.

He wasn’t given the chance. Boxer and Slash joined Bodhi and Cassian, started walking with them through the exhibit. This lead to conversations that included sentences like, “Motherfuckin’ Ottomans were all about tulips and shit.” and “These weavers lived tha’ hustle.” and “Looks like the stuff my grams made.” 

After about an hour of the most unique museum commentary he had ever experienced, Boxer and Slash finally turned to leave. Slash said, “Good hang. Next month they doin’ an exhibition on recycled fashion. It’s all about juxtaposition and shit. Gonna go off. We should hit it up.” 

“Sounds good.” Cassian responded. 

“You’re alright, Sol.” Boxer held up his hand. Cassian reached forward and clasped it. Boxer pulled Cassian toward him, bumping shoulders and patting him on the back. “Come by the club after ten tonight. We’ll party.”

Boxer and Slash left the museum. Bodhi gave a soft exhale of relief. He looked at Cassian. “Cousins? Really? Don’t you think boyfriend would have been a little less suspicious?” 

“I’m not going to put you in a compromised position any more than I have to. With the way things are...it would be wrong for me to force you to pretend to date me.” 

“Well, lucky for us they saw through that little maneuver. You can say you tried, and I still get to do things like this,” Bodhi said as he latched on to Cassian’s arm again.

Cassian shook him off. “There’s no one to pretend for here.” 

“Ha! So you do admit we are pretend dating!” Bodhi grinned like he had scored a point in the complicated conversational game Cassian was unaware they were having. 

Cassian wasn’t sure how this whole afternoon had gotten so far away from him. He decided to just ignore that particular wrinkle of the situation and move on. “I honestly don’t know if those two were following us or genuine textile enthusiasts.” 

“I...maybe both? Slash is...really well informed on contemporary fiber art. But they knew about the salsa club. They must have been following...me? If they had been following you, the conversation would have gone very differently.” 

Bodhi and Cassian looked at each other for a long moment. “I’m going to have to go fully undercover. I’ll clear it.” 

“Either that or get out…” Bodhi trailed off. “I’m pretty sure if you go to the club tonight they’re going to jump you in. And that’s not a metaphor, in the Imps. Now might be a good time to vanish.”

“Hey.” Cassian waited until Bodhi looked up at him. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together.” 

Bodhi swallowed, not looking away from Cassian. “It’s going to be ugly.” 

“I know. Remember, even before I met you, I was trying to infiltrate. I knew this was coming. Don’t worry, Rook. This won’t be my first beating.”

* * *

The fact that it wasn’t his first didn’t make it any easier. Cassian leaned back against one of the couches in a cordoned-off VIP section of the club. It felt like his head beat in time with the pounding rhythm. He squinted his eyes against the strobing lights. 

“Here.” Bodhi said, yelling a little over the music, walking up next to the couch and handing him a towel. 

Cassian pressed the damp towel against his split lip. “How bad does it look?”

Bodhi shrugged, “Eh, Manny, you were always kinda ugly. Not any worse.” 

Cassian snorted. Boxer and Slash, also lounging in the VIP section, laughed. Cassian considered joining in, but his ribs ached from the lesson he had just received in why Boxer’s nickname was apt after all. 

A large bruise that Cassian was particularly proud of was coming in over Boxer’s right eye. Didn’t seem to bother him too much, though. He took a sip of whatever dark liquor he was holding. “Ya put up a good fight, Sol. Welcome to the Imps.” 

Cassian didn’t remove the towel, but mimed raising a glass in return. “To the Imps.” 

“Always nice to see new blood.” A new voice cut in. A slim man with an imperious posture and greying hair stepped into the VIP area. “Particularly when the new blood can draw blood.” The man chuckled at his own joke. 

Boxer and Slash stiffened up. “Boss.” 

Older man. Smooth formal accent. Well dressed, all in white. Walked in like he owned the place. 

That was likely because he did own the place. 

So this was Orson Krennic, shotcaller and blackmailer and would-be domestic terrorist. Cassian pulled the towel away from his mouth and sat up straight himself. He carefully wiped any blood off of his hands. “Sir, it’s an honor.” 

“I imagine it is. I hope you will prove worth the investment. If you don’t, or if you cross me, you will wind up dead, and nobody will do a thing about it because in this town, I am untouchable.” 

Cassian nodded. He couldn’t wait to take this smug son-of-a-bitch down a peg. For now, though, he’d play along. “Understood. Sounds like I joined up with the right crew.” 

“You have no idea how true that is. Have a good time tonight. We’ll put you to work soon enough.” Krennic gave a dismissive little wave as he walked off. 

Slash shifted uncomfortably as he watched Krennic leave. “Alright, man, it’s time to move the afterparty to your place. Your pad’s off of Seventh, right?” 

“Nah,” said Cassian, glad he had taken the time to think about this. “Was. Landlord started sniffing around though, fuzz doing drivebys, that sort of thing. I vanished quick.” 

“Where you at now?” Boxer asked.

“Motels. And no, I’m not taking you lot to afterparty in my motel room. I don’t have the dough to fork out damages.” 

“Your boy’s got a spare room, right? Come on, Rook, put your cousin up.” 

“I got no problem with that.” Bodhi smirked down at Cassian. “He’s being all touchy about respectin’ territory, though.” 

“We’re all Imps now. Won’t get any shit from us. Besides, safer than having a slinger live in motels. Don’t want that sort of product being found by housekeeping.” 

“That’s a good point. What do you say, Sol? Think you can put up with having a roommate?” Bodhi waggled his eyebrows at Cassian. 

Cassian ignored the quickfire thrill that ran through him at the thought of having Bodhi alone, in private, with those eyebrows. Cassian knew, he _knew_ , he should stay as far away from those suggestive eyebrows as possible. 

But he was on the spot. He couldn’t go back to his actual house, or the precinct, not with the increased Imp scrutiny. And if he was staying at Bodhi’s place he’d have the chance to keep Bodhi safe around the clock. 

“Got to be better than motels.” Cassian replied, feeling damnation sink into his bones.


	5. Unimaginable Kindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi and Cassian make it back to the apartment. Cassian has mixed feelings about what happens next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued thanks to my first reader [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead), for never minding when I chat her at an unreasonable hour whining about plot.

* * *

“Yes, Sir.” Cassian hung up the phone. 

He poked his head out of Bodhi’s tiny guest room. Bodhi was in the living room, fussing over something at the small kitchen table. Cassian walked over to him. “Alright, full undercover is approved. Looks like you’re stuck with me for the duration.” 

Bodhi grinned, looking far more delighted by that then he really should have. “Excellent. Alright. Take your shirt off.” 

That was...more blatant than Cassian had expected. He folded his arms and glared at Bodhi. At least, he tried to. His ribs smarted and his glare turned into a wince. 

Bodhi rolled his eyes. “Andor, I’ve got no designs on your virtue. At least, not right now. You look like ground beef for fucks sake. I’d break you.” Bodhi reached down on the table and pulled some long bandages out of a first aid kit. “You really want to wrap your shoulder yourself? Come on, pull up a chair.” 

Cassian managed to get his shirt about halfway off before he got stuck, groaning as his shoulder protested turning _that way_. 

“I got you,” Bodhi said, and before Cassian could protest warm fingers brushed along the line of his back and at the base of his neck, easing his shirt up and off of him. 

As Cassian straightened up again, he looked over at Bodhi who was not, as Cassian half expected, licking his lips and eying Cassian up and down, but instead turning the shirt over in his hands. There was blood splattered down the front of it from the nice hit someone had gotten on his nose. 

“I can get it in some cold water. Might help a bit.” Bodhi looked up, “Pretty dried on there, though.” 

“It’s not my favorite shirt,” Cassian said, shifting a little in the chair.

Bodhi tossed it aside and stepped closer to him. “Yeah, sorry, focus. Alright, let’s check the damage here.” He handed Cassian a towel-wrapped bag of ice. “Let’s get that on your face for now. Probably want to ice your ribs and shoulder, too.” Bodhi poked at his ribs. 

Cassian shifted. “Yeah. Painful, but I’m not having any difficulty breathing and I’m not coughing, so likely not bruised or cracked.” He lifted his arm and moved it around, “High levels of pain but no impairment of mobility, likely injury to the muscle, compression would help. I’ve got a severe headache, light and noise sensitive right now, so I might have a concussion. Monitor that for a couple hours, make sure I don’t start getting confused or having memory issues.”

Bodhi blinked. “Okay. That was more professional than I was expecting. Cops get beat up a lot, then?”

Cassian shrugged with his not-injured shoulder. “It’s not outside of the job description. But I was a CNA while I worked my way through college. Some things stick with you, I guess.” 

“You were a—” Bodhi broke off, his eyes going wide, “Oh, I just had a mental image of you in one of those little white outfits.” 

Cassian reached out and batted the side of Bodhi’s head, softly. “Nobody wears those anymore. Besides, I’m police now.” 

“Right. I’ll keep my wank fantasies away from short white skirts and stockings and towards inappropriate use of handcuffs. Good plan.” Bodhi smiled brightly. 

Cassian turned slightly pink. “That’s not what—No. I mean—whatever you want in your own room—in private. Leave me out of it.” 

Bodhi was biting his lip and nodding seriously. “So, confusion is one of the things we need to watch out for, huh?”

“Shut up, Rook.” 

Bodhi chuckled as he unrolled the bandage. “You’re too easy, Andor. Alright, arm up, let’s get this strapped down.” 

Cassian held his arm up as Bodhi reached forward, carefully wrapping the bandage around his shoulder, down and around his chest, and back up. Bodhi was impossibly close, standing right to his side and nearly hugging him as he wrapped the bandage around. For all Bodhi’s flirtation, though, he was respectful, never touching more than he needed to, focused on the bandage itself. 

Cassian found himself relaxing. It had been a long time since he had trusted someone else to take care of him. After a minute or so, Bodhi took a step back. “Better?” 

Cassian’s shoulder was immobilized nicely, and the compression was making the pain recede. “Much. Thank you.” 

“Good. I’m going to see if we have more ice packs. Maybe some frozen peas.” Bodhi reached behind him and slid over a couple of pills and a glass of water. “While I do that, this should get the pain down.” 

Bodhi walked over into the attached kitchen and started rummaging through the freezer. Cassian found himself staring at the pills and the water. He felt a sharp twist of melancholy, of yearning. How many injuries had he gone home and patched up himself? How many times had he sat there, aching, tired, doing his best to distract himself from the pain? Bodhi’s attention and care were soothing an ache that went far deeper than his his newly acquired bruises. 

The attention wasn’t his to keep. Two weeks to the weapon shipment and Bodhi got to leave. Got to be free. Cassian couldn’t afford to enjoy this too much. 

Bodhi came back in the room, tossing a bag of frozen vegetables up and down in one hand, towel in the other. “I knew I had peas in there somewhere! Perfect for aching…” Bodhi trailed off as he saw Cassian sitting at the table, staring at the pills and the water. “Just Extra-Strength Ibuprofen, promise. It’s nothing illegal. I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

Cassian looked up at Bodhi. Bodhi looked concerned, furrow between his eyes. Cassian gave a tiny shake of his head. “Didn’t even cross my mind. I just zoned out.” 

To prove the point, Cassian took the pills and swallowed them down. The wrinkles between his Bodhi’s eyes smoothed out, but he still looked concerned. He walked over to Cassian, wrapping a towel around the vegetables, and pressed them to Cassian’s shoulder, sort of wedging it between the shoulder and the chair. “So, possible concussion ‘zone out’?” 

“I don’t think so. Just been a long day.” 

“You got that right.” Bodhi stepped back a little, looking at Cassian’s face. He picked up a spare towel and gestured towards him. “Mind if I…”

_‘I can do it.’_ That’s what Cassian should have said. “Go ahead.” 

Bodhi grabbed the glass of water and poured a little onto the towel. He moved close again, stepping between Cassian’s legs. Cassian shifted the ice down to his ribs, giving Bodhi access to his face.

Cassian’s breathing hitched as Bodhi brushed his fingers through Cassian’s hair, pushing it up and back, out of the way. Then he used the towel to carefully start cleaning Cassian’s face. Cassian let his eyes slide shut, enjoying the feeling of the towel moving over his face, of sweat and dirt and blood being wiped away. He enjoyed the heat of Bodhi standing close to him. He enjoyed the comfort of the moment even as he knew that comfort wasn’t his to claim. 

Eventually, Bodhi finished, setting the towel down. Cassian kept his eyes shut a moment longer, and was startled by the feeling of Bodhi’s fingers lightly tracing over his cheekbone. Cassian shivered. 

“Much better,” Bodhi said. His voice was a little deeper than normal, and quiet. His fingers started to trace down the sides of Cassian’s face, causing a fluttering feeling deep in his chest.

Cassian opened his eyes and moved away from Bodhi’s hand. Bodhi got the hint, smiling a little ruefully and stepping away. Cassian licked his lips. “Thanks. Feels better.”

Bodhi collapsed back into the other chair. “Good. So, you need to stay up for...what, twenty-four hours?”

Cassian gave a horrified grunt, “No, just a couple. Make sure things don’t get worse. After that sleep’s the best thing for it.” 

“Alright, cool. Lemme grab a deck of cards and we’ll see how your blackjack game is.” 

“You don’t have to—”

“Come on, you really think you’re going to be able to figure out whether or not you’re confused on your own? This works better with outside eyes.” Bodhi levered himself out of the chair and walked down the hallway. He called over his shoulder as he went, “Oh, wait, I know what’s going on. You know I’m going to kick your ass from here to Sunday.” 

Cassian laughed, which he almost immediately regretted, with the way it made his ribs burn. “You wish, Rook!” he called back. 

Two hours later, Cassian blamed his string of losses on his headache while Bodhi gloated. As Cassian lay back on the guestroom’s double bed braced himself for a long stretch of time just staring at the ceiling. It was always difficult to go to sleep in a strange bed in a place with strange noises. 

He fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

It was eight in the morning and Cassian had no clean pants. Had no clean anything, really. Last night, recovering from the beatdown, he was too tired to care. Now, with a decent night’s rest behind him he could feel the layer of grime on his skin, and he really wished he had a clothing option that wasn’t putting his dirt smeared and blood splattered pants back on. 

He considered wandering through Bodhi’s apartment in his boxers. Bodhi certainly wouldn’t mind. 

Cassian put his pants back on and stuck his head out the guestroom door, intent on heading for the bathroom. Instead, he nearly tripped over a pile of clothes with a note pinned to it.

> Sorry! 
> 
> I really should have given these to you last night. Didn’t think of it until you were sound asleep, though. I don’t know if we’re going to be able to pick up some stuff for you, but in the meantime, I think you’ll fit mine. 
> 
> In the bathroom there’s a clean toothbrush, razor, and comb on the right side of the sink. There’s towel and washcloth on the rack for you. Feel free to use the any of the stuff in the shower. 
> 
> Ibuprofen is behind the mirror.
> 
> Hope I didn’t forget anything. You’ll probably be up before me, but feel free to wake me up if you need anything. 
> 
> ~~I’m really excited~~ ~~I’m enjoying~~ I appreciate you being here. You’re helping me out a lot. I know you’d probably rather be in your own place but I’d like you to be comfortable here. 
> 
> So, seriously, let me know if you need anything. 

Cassian held the bundle of clothes and sat down hard on the bed, the beds springs giving a whine of protest at the sudden pressure.

It would be easier, Cassian knew, if Bodhi were merely pretty. If he was long eyelashes and lean lines and nothing else. Cassian had been around his fair share of pretty people, and none of them had gotten into his head the way Bodhi had. The problem was, Bodhi wasn’t just lovely to look at. He was smart and funny and good under pressure. He was gentle. He was kind.

And this stupid little note was the perfect example of that. _“Feel free to wake me up...I’d like you to be comfortable here.”_ With all this forethought of what Cassian would need to feel comfortable. 

_”I know you’d probably rather be in your own place.”_ Well, that was the problem. He didn’t want to be in his own place. His place was barely lived-in, sterile, lonely. He wanted to be here, with all these little gestures of kindness. He hadn’t known, until Bodhi waltzed into his life, how desperate he was to be with someone who cared. 

But that’s not where they were, right now. Cassian was a police officer and Bodhi was a criminal informant and that meant that Cassian had the ability to make Bodhi’s life horrifyingly terrible. With one call he could have Bodhi arrested. With another, he could have him sold out to the Imps as a traitor. Another, and he’d be back in the tender mercies of FBI Agents Guerra and Bor. 

Cassian had all of the power, Bodhi had none, and there was no way to avoid that. There was no way to forge anything resembling an equal relationship.

Cassian hugged the bundle of clothes close to his chest and inhaled, letting the scent of laundry detergent and Bodhi fill his senses. Cassian allowed himself one solid minute of misery, holding the clothes tight and feeling something burn behind his eyes. One minute to mourn the life they could have had, if they had met in a different time, a different place, in better circumstances. 

Then Cassian forced that self-pity back down and felt his face harden into something more serious. He stood up, tucked the clothes under his arm, and went to the bathroom. He knew his role here and he had a job to do.


	6. Inelegant Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian very much wants to get back to work. Bodhi has some ideas as to how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) has continued to cheer this fic into existance, thanks to you!

* * *

Of course Bodhi was adorable first thing in the morning. That was just the way the universe worked. His bedroom door cracked open and he stumbled out, hair rumpled and blinking. He looked over at Cassian and his face lit up with a sleepy sort of joy. “Hey! How are you feeling?” His tone of voice was affectionate, casual, as if they had already had this conversation a thousand times, across a thousand mornings. 

Cassian quietly shoved down a choking jealousy of every other man who had the privilege of seeing Bodhi like this, sleepy and unguarded. Of the men who had actually earned it.

“Morning,” Cassian said, keeping his tone polite, doing his best to not presume further intimacy. “Achey, but healing. I made coffee, if you want some.”

Bodhi mumbled cheerfully and staggered over to the coffee maker. Cassian watched him as he went. Bodhi grabbed a mug and poured himself a cup. He took the cup over to the table and sat down, staring at his mug. 

He proceeded to stare at his mug for two and a half minutes. His regular morning routine might have involved longer staring but after two and a half minutes Cassian realized he was staring at Bodhi staring at his mug, and he cleared his throat. “Not a morning person?” 

Bodhi shook his head, reaching out for the mug and drinking some. “It may surprise you to learn this, but gunrunning is generally considered a nocturnal profession. I suppose you’re the opposite? Bright eyed and bushy tailed at six am?” 

Cassian chuckled. “I don’t know. I just like being busy. The time doesn’t matter so much, but I hate just laying in bed.”

Bodhi made a noise of appreciation. “I guess I can see that. Probably good you’re adaptable, if you’re going to be running with the Imps for the next few weeks. You have a plan for today?” 

“Yeah. Going to go scope out Shield Port in the morning, see what sorts of opportunities there are for choke points, different things like that. Apparently the ship you mentioned is so mind-boggling big that attempting to stop and search it before it go to port will take months, and then half the country won’t have tennis shoes. They’re refusing to move before the ship makes landfall. Which means I need to figure out how to intercept the shipment after it gets here.” 

“Alright, so when we get to the Scarif we’re—”

“When I get to the Scarif. You can sit this one out.” 

Bodhi looked confused. “But how are you going to get into Shield Port?” 

“I do still have a badge. I’ll go pick it up, along with some of my stuff.” 

Bodhi paled. “Andor. No. You can’t go flashing your badge at the docks. You really think Krennic’s dumb enough to send his shipment to a port where he doesn’t have half the staff on payroll? You show a badge there, it’s coming back on us, and if we are lucky we die quickly.” Bodhi became more tightly wound as he spoke, nearly vibrating at the end from the tension.

Cassian was quiet. He took a sip of his own coffee. “Shit. Should have thought of that.” 

Bodhi nearly collapsed as his tension evaporated. “Thank fuck you’re reasonable.” 

“Okay. So we don’t go to Scarif.”

“Hey. Didn’t say that. I do runs to the Shield Port all the time. I’ve got clearance. You just hide in the backseat.” 

Cassian wrinkled his nose and stared at his coffee. 

“It’s better than the trunk! Toss some blankets over you and you’ll be really comfortable.” 

“It’s a good plan.” Cassian said, looking up, “I just—I’m trying to keep you _out_ of danger.” 

Bodhi half-smiled into his coffee. “I know. And believe me, I appreciate it. But I grew up in the heart of Eadu. Turf wars happened outside my front door. I’ve been in danger all my life. Now I’ve got the chance to be in danger and help some people. Not thrilled about the part where I might, you know, die, but that part’s always been there. It feels really good to be on the right side of this one. I want to be here, and I’m willing to take some risks.” 

If anything about Cassian’s relationship with Bodhi had made sense, Cassian was certain this would have been the moment that he first realized he could easily fall in love with the young man that was so full of hope and sadness and sacrifice. But none of who they were to each other made sense; so instead, as Cassian stared at Bodhi, he realized he was already in love. He realized he loved Bodhi entirely, and he had no idea when it had begun. 

It didn’t change anything. Cassian loved Bodhi and mourned quietly. 

“I’m not going to let you die,” Cassian said, trying and not entirely succeeding to keep the emotion out of his voice. “But I see your point. Alright, we’ll go with your plan.”

“You know, with someone like you looking out for me, I can almost believe we’re going to make it through the next couple weeks intact.” Bodhi smiled. 

Cassian couldn’t help smiling back.

* * *

“Comfy back there?” Bodhi asked. 

Cassian made a disgruntled noise from his hot itchy blanket pile. 

“I know,” Bodhi soothed. Then his voice became more serious, “We’re coming up on the port. Stay quiet and still.” 

Cassian felt the car slow, stop. He heard the window roll down, muffled conversation. He held his breath, froze. The conversation stayed polite, and after a tense moment Cassian felt the car start to move again. He listened for the window to roll up again. As soon as it did he let out the held breath with an explosive huff. 

“And that’s how it’s done,” Bodhi said, his voice full of smug cheer. “Let me pull off somewhere quiet and you can escape the backseat.”

Cassian, overly warm, was only too happy to do so. As the car slowly rolled through the port’s thoroughfares and he sketched out the map of the docks, he noticed Bodhi was useful in more ways than one. He pointed out the frequently used paths through the port. He gave a running list of every person he knew was on the Imp’s payroll. At one point he gestured over to one of the warehouses and said, “Imps use that building. I have no idea what for, though.” 

Cassian, perhaps a bit restless after his forced huddling in the backseat, raised his eyebrows at Bodhi. “Want to find out?”

“Yeah. Let’s do it.” Bodhi’s eyes sparkled in anticipation.

They parked the car and got out, carefully moving around the back of a neighboring warehouse. The warehouses were dotted with skinny high windows, too far up for prying eyes to look in. Cassian gave the window an appraising look, then looked Bodhi up and down.

“I really want to like the look you’re giving me, but my instincts are telling me that once over was not a preamble to you shoving me up against the side of the warehouse and finally having your way with me.”

Cassian closed his eyes and sighed. “Good instincts.” He strove to keep his voice professional. “If I boost you up can you get a camera up there and film the inside?” 

Bodhi looked up the side of the wall. “Yeah, think I can do that. Suppose being involved in espionage is a decent substitute for illicit makeouts.”

“I...disagree,” said Cassian as he crouched down and tapped his shoulder. “Foot there, brace on the wall.”

Bodhi obediently started to step up onto Cassian’s shoulders. “You want to switch to pinning me against the wall at any time you just do that. It was pretty hot last time, and this time I know you won’t shoot m—” Bodhi was cut off as Cassian straightened his legs, hoisting Bodhi up into the air. Bodhi let out a quiet, “Ack!” as he scrambled up the wall with his hands. “Warn a guy. Also, that lift was impressive. You probably could actually pick me up and fuck me against a wall.” As Bodhi rambled, he pulled out his phone and held it up to the window. He waved it slowly across the window.

“Make sure the shot is angled down,” Cassian said instead of responding to the more salacious comments. At least not responding verbally. Physically…Cassian was grateful for his long experience in ignoring his dick. 

“I know, I know.” 

Cassian felt a slight tremble in his shoulders from the strain of supporting Bodhi’s weight. After about thirty seconds Bodhi said, “Let me down, let’s see what we got.” 

Cassian carefully bent back down into a crouch as Bodhi slid his way back down Cassian. After a moment of awkward maneuvering Bodhi was standing safely on the ground again. He gave a rueful sigh. “Gotta admit, Andor, this is not what I was hoping for when I pictured you crouched in front of me in some dockside back alley.” 

Cassian straightened and glared at Bodhi, mostly on instinct. Bodhi grinned back at him, unfazed. Cassian huffed a little in response.

As they huddled around the cell phone, looking at the video, Cassian realized that this was...not terrible. Bodhi was ridiculous, over-the-top in his come-ons, but there was no burning heat behind it, nothing that made Cassian worried he might lose control. He was just...a little turned on, amused, and irritated. He could deal with that particular cocktail of emotions. 

“Boxes, looks like.” 

“Yeah. Those are some interesting machines, though.”

“I don’t know what they’re for.” 

“I’ll get it over to the precinct for analysis.”

He and Bodhi did work well together…maybe they could settle into something like this. Work mixed with banter, give and take. 

There was a noise from front of the building, conversation that just barely carried. Cassian and Bodhi froze, Bodhi’s eyes went wide. 

After a moment they heard footsteps heading in their general direction. Cassian started edging across the walkway and into a side alley. Bodhi shook his head and started heading a different direction. Cassian reached forward and grabbed Bodhi’s wrist, gently leading him further into the darkness of the alley. Bodhi went along, a slightly exasperated expression on his face. The side alley Cassian picked dead ended, and Bodhi looked at him with arched eyebrows. 

Cassian gave a sheepish shake of the head and considered the walls. Probably too difficult to climb out. The footsteps came closer. Bodhi twisted his arm around, grabbing Cassian’s wrist instead. He backed up against the wall, drawing Cassian along with him. He tugged until Cassian was nearly pressed against his front. 

Cassian stopped scant inches away from Bodhi, staring at Bodhi’s warm brown eyes. Bodhi gave one last tug before a small smile crept across his face. He wrapped his arms up back behind Cassian’s neck, throwing a glance down the dark alleyway. “Just have to make it look good, Andor.” Bodhi’s voice was so soft it didn’t even qualify as a whisper. Cassian still heard him perfectly.

Cassian stepped forward another inch. Bodhi tipped his head back, giving Cassian permission. Cassian gently brought his hand up to cradle Bodhi’s jaw, unable to keep his thumb from brushing gently along Bodhi’s cheek. Bodhi shivered. His eyes remained locked on Cassian. 

And there it was. All the heat that had been missing during Bodhi’s explicit flirtation was found here, in brown eyes with blown pupils in an alleyway. In the tension of footsteps behind them. In Bodhi’s fingertips pressed against the back of his neck, in Cassian cradling Bodhi’s jaw. Cassian’s breathing went ragged and he couldn’t look away. 

The footsteps came closer. 

Cassian angled his body a little so that he was blocking Bodhi’s face from being seen from the mouth of the alley. The move brought them even closer together. Cassian settled his other hand on Bodhi’s waist and Bodhi’s eyes finally fluttered closed. 

It would be so easy to kiss him. Every atom in Cassian’s body seemed to be desperately trying to lurch into Bodhi’s touch. And every cue from Bodhi was saying _yes_. It was what Bodhi wanted. 

But...Bodhi needed Cassian on his side if he had any hope of making it out of here alive. What if Bodhi was just giving Cassian what he thought Cassian wanted? 

Cassian didn’t kiss Bodhi. But he didn’t pull away, either. He stayed there, close enough to feel their breath mingling. He kept his hand on Bodhi’s waist and another at Bodhi’s jaw. He burned at the points of contact, reveling in the feeling of the tiny shifts and muscle twitches of Bodhi moving under his hands. 

The footsteps became louder, closer, then....without pausing they passed by. Cassian still didn’t pull away. He let himself linger half a second, a second. He felt like he was growing drunk on the feeling of Bodhi. 

Bodhi’s eyes opened again. They flicked over Cassian’s face and finding...something, Bodhi leaned forward. The movement only carried him millimeters closer, but Cassian felt his whole body respond, desperate to lean in and crush his lips to Bodhi’s, to push, to take, to _claim_. 

The intensity of the feeling shocked him. Cassian stepped back almost immediately, careful to put a respectful distance between them. “We should probably get out of here.”

Bodhi looked at Cassian a long moment, his lips pursed together and something close to anger flashing in his eyes. “Yeah,” he finally said, and there was resignation in his voice, “we should.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, the idea of that almost-kiss caused this entire prequel to exist.


	7. Unexpected Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian is having a bad time and Bodhi wants to help. It doesn't go to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Rating change up to M. Honestly, we're probably still pretty PG-13 at this point, but it'll be M by the end of things, and this seemed like a good time to switch it over.
> 
> [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) has continued to be a most excellent encourager and first reader. You rock!
> 
> Trigger warnings: Drug mentions, detailed explanation in the end notes.

* * *

Cassian quietly let himself into the apartment at three in the morning. He was exhausted. It had been a very profitable night on the newly-minted drug dealer side of things. Less profitable in terms of figuring out how to stop a weapons shipment in a week and a half. The plan was coming together slowly and he was moving a lot of product quickly. Cassian found that combination weighed heavily on his soul. 

It wasn’t a matter of legality, he was excused a number of crimes as a part of being undercover...still...Cassian was looking forward to being able to huddle down and lick his wounds for a little while. 

Bodhi’s car was out front, but the lights were off and his bedroom door was closed. Cassian was grateful. He really didn't have the energy to manage the push and pull between him and Bodhi. He tossed his stuff in his room, grabbed some pajama pants, and a worn t-shirt and headed for the shower. 

He sat under the spray for a long time, trying to wash Emmanuel Sol off of him. It was harder and harder, the more nights in a row he worked, pushing drugs and supplying addicts. Tomorrow was his night off, though. Thank God. 

He opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom, saw that central space was now dimly lit by the light over the stove. Bodhi stood there, silhouetted against the lone light, stirring a pot of something. Cassian heaved an internal sigh. He still felt prickly, wearing skin that didn’t feel like his. He would have preferred solitude.

“Hey,” Bodhi said softly, turning towards him. Bodhi’s face was mostly in shadows, but the line of his nose, the ridges of his cheekbones, and the sweep of his jaw were outlined in the hazy glow from the stove light. “I couldn’t sleep, so I’m making some hot chocolate. The good stuff, not that powdered shit. You want some?” 

“First chocolate milk, now hot chocolate?” Cassian found himself smiling despite himself. “I’m seeing a trend.” 

He wanted to go to sleep. He did. So why was he over here, settling down at the tiny kitchen table, watching as Bodhi stirred? 

Bodhi returned the little smile. “I figured it’s a bit late for coffee. My mum worked late, sometimes when she’d come home and I was still up she’d make this to help us both get to sleep. Reminds me of her.” Bodhi lapsed back into silence, stirring for a little while. “I think she’d have liked you.”

Cassian swallowed around a lump in his throat, somehow managing not to say something utterly inane like, _‘I’m sure I would have liked her too, considering she helped shape you.’_

After another long moment of silence, Bodhi spoke again, “Hey, I never apologized for throwing your mum under the bus while we were talking to Slash and Boxer. I didn’t mean to slander her good name, or anything like that.” 

It took Cassian a moment to remember Bodhi cheerfully informing Slash and Boxer that they were keeping things quiet because of Cassian’s mom. He waved his hand. “It’s fine. Besides, that was Emmanuel’s mom you threw under the bus.” 

Bodhi tipped his head to the side, reaching over and turning off the burner. The apartment was quiet and Cassian noticed it get quieter still when the hiss of the gas faded away. For a few moments longer the silence was only broken by the cupboard door opening, the soft clink of mugs being settled on the counter, the scrape of the pan against the burner as Bodhi picked it up. 

The moment was cozy, soft, draped in the soft yellow light from above the stove. Bodhi wandered over to the table and settled a mug down in front of Cassian, sitting down with his own mug across from him. 

Cassian picked up the mug and inhaled, the smell of creamy chocolate settled in his senses. With a careful blow across the surface of the mug he drank some. It was delicious. 

Chocolate on his tongue and warmth expanding in his chest, Cassian felt some of his stress relax and he gave Bodhi a tiny smile. Bodhi smiled back.

The cozy silence morphed into something altogether more intimate. Cassian felt the need to break it before he did something dumb like start crying into his mug of cocoa. He cast about for a topic of conversation. “I don’t know how my mom would have felt about me being bi. I like to think she would have supported me regardless.” 

Bodhi took a sip from his mug. “She’s gone, then?” He was gentle as he asked it.

Cassian grunted an affirmation. “I was six. Barely knew her.” 

“How did she pass?” Bodhi asked. He blinked a little as he realized what he had just said. “If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Drive-by shooting.” Cassian gave a bitter smile. “Seems inevitable I’d end up working the gangs unit.” 

Bodhi looked stricken. He swallowed hard before saying, “God, I’m so sorry.” 

Cassian waved Bodhi off. “It happened. It was a long time ago...suppose I was spared a possibly unpleasant reality. I’m free to imagine her as sugar-coated as I please.” 

“That’s not a perk.” Bodhi’s horrified expression hardened into something darker. “I never told my mum I was jumped in. I lied to her. She knew anyway, I’m sure. There’s not that many job opportunities around here. I was so terrified she’d find out and we’d have this great screaming row about it…” Bodhi took another sip. “I’d have that row in a second, hear her tearing into me about every _terrible thing_ I’ve ever done, if it meant having her back.” 

Guilt rose on Cassian’s tongue, turning the pleasant chocolate taste bitter. He felt his brows draw together and he tugged his mug in closer, defensive. 

Bodhi noticed. Of course he did. His eyes widened a little and he tipped his head to the side. “You alright?” 

Cassian sighed. “I will be. It’s just...like you said. Terrible things. Pretty certain I sold meth to a teenager today. I didn’t ask. He looked so young.” Cassian took a swig of his mug to choke down the guilt, sorrow, and anger rising inside him. 

“Shit. That’s hard.” Bodhi looked off to the side, fidgeted a little. “You know, if a kid’s doing something like that...chances are it’s not the only fucked up thing in their life. Sometimes the drugs help people cope.” 

“I’m not slinging antidepressants, Rook,” Cassian snarled, suddenly furious. ”I’ve seen what an overdose looks like. I just have to live with the fact that if that kid’s heart blows out it’s my fault.” 

“No, don't put that on yourself, he would have gotten the drugs somewhere else.” 

“But he didn’t!” Cassian slammed the mug down. “He got them from me.” 

Bodhi stood up quickly, jumping away from the table. His eyes darted away from Cassian. “I’m sorry. I’m clearly not the right person for you to be talking to right now. I’m just... making everything worse. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Bodhi quickly walked to his room.

Cassian looked after him, feeling miserable. This was why he wanted to be alone. He always seemed to pass his bad mood on. Well. He got his wish. He stared at the mug of cocoa sitting across the table from him. He picked it up, along with his own, washed them both out and left them to dry in the rack. Hopefully that would serve as an apology. 

Cassian retreated back to his room and curled up on his bed. He replayed Bodhi’s slightly broken expression at the end of the conversation. Guilt twisted through him, guilt about the kid, guilt about Bodhi. That he had let the anger get the best of him. That he had let himself care so much in the first place. 

Sleep was a long time in coming.

* * *

The next day, when Bodhi finally stumbled out of his room, he looked over at Cassian with a glance that looked...almost afraid. Cassian gave a little wave from the table. Bodhi seemed to relax a little as he disappeared into the restroom. 

By the time Bodhi emerged, freshly showered, Cassian was frying bacon over the stove. Bodhi, hesitant, came over to the kitchen. 

“I didn’t think you cooked.” Bodhi looked down into the pan. 

“I normally don’t. This is apology breakfast.” 

Bodhi blinked, slowly. “Apology breakfast?” 

“I was an ass last night. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” 

“You really didn’t,” Bodhi said, brow furrowed. “I feel like if anyone should be making apology breakfast here, it’s me.” 

It was Cassian’s turn to be confused. “You made me hot chocolate and tried to get me to open up. I yelled at you.” 

“Yeah, but…” Bodhi shook his head. “I feel like if we keep this up we’ll end up arguing about how we weren’t arguing. Let’s call it a draw and you let me help with breakfast.” 

“Alright. It’s a plan.”

They chatted easily as Bodhi pulled out fruit and sliced it, the awkwardness of the night before gone, faded in the light of the morning. A spat between tired friends. 

Of course, if one of those tired friends would just _wear a shirt_ things would be much easier for Cassian. 

“Watch out, the bacon’s going to get you. What do you have against shirts, Rook?” Cassian grumbled as he flipped the bacon. 

“Too hot,” Bodhi said, brushing past Cassian. “I’d normally be naked around the house, but I figured that was not the best roommate move.” 

Cassian felt his cheeks heat up. That was not a mental picture he was going to indulge. It was not. He was absolutely not going to take notice of the trail of hair beneath Bodhi’s navel and imagine being able to follow that down to see— 

The bacon almost burned, Cassian muttered curses as he flipped it over. “Also not the best bacon move,” he said to cover his distress. 

It seemed to work. Bodhi belly laughed. “Oh God, I shouldn’t tell you this, but I absolutely found that out the hard way. I’ve got an apron I wear now.” 

_Bodhi entirely naked except for an apron, working over the stove._ Cassian gave a choked off groan. The universe hated Cassian. It was the only reasonable explanation for that mental image being supplied to him. _Cassian, coming up behind Bodhi and—_

Cassian wrenched his train of thoughts away from that and focused in on the bacon. While he did, he did his best to keep his hips angled slightly away from Bodhi. His pajama pants were only a slight step up from the aforementioned nudity in terms of concealing his reaction to that particular mental image. 

Bodhi set the fruit down on the table, chuckling. “I think I might still have tiny splatter scars on my upper thighs. 

“Oh come on,” Cassian said, cursing the universe. His eyes widened as he realized he had said it out loud. 

“I know, it was really dumb!” Bodhi brushed past Cassian again. Cassian couldn’t figure out whether he was doing it on purpose or if the kitchen was just that small. He opened the fridge and continued, “But that’s the sort of thing you have to do once to realize it’s a bad idea.”

“No. No it is not. Cooking bacon while naked is just one thing on a whole list of things people can figure out are bad ideas just by thinking for two seconds.” Cassian turned the heat off the stove, started transferring the bacon to the plates. 

“I think you should try it.” Hands full with two glasses of orange juice, Bodhi walked past Cassian again, slowly drawing out outside knuckle of one hand across Cassian’s shoulder blade as he went.

Cassian felt a spark of electricity along where the knuckle went. He was also now certain Bodhi was doing it on purpose. “Why in God’s green earth would I do that?”

“You really feel alive.” Bodhi grinned. 

“I’ve got plenty adrenaline in my life. I’m looking forward to being able to take a night off again.” 

Bodhi wrinkled his nose as Cassian brought the bacon over to the breakfast table. “Can’t argue with that. I’ve got bad news on that front, though. There’s a party at the club tonight. Slash and Boxer invited us specifically. They seem to have taken a shine to us. I don’t think we can get out of this one without it looking suspicious.”

Cassian slid into his seat. “Yeah. That’s not all bad, though. We still don’t know how they’re transporting the weapons shipment. We can keep our ears open tonight. Do some networking.”

Bodhi coughed on his orange juice. “Okay, now I know you haven’t been to an Imp rager. You never would have used the word ‘networking.’ Sounds like we’re going to get cocktails and dress up in suit and tie.”

“Fine. If we’re not networking, what are we doing?” Cassian arched his eyebrows at Bodhi.

Bodhi carefully tapped his fork against his lips. Cassian was briefly distracted.

“Surviving,” Bodhi finally decided on. 

“There something I should know about this party?” 

“That given the choice I would rather be at home watching television,” Bodhi said, decisively jabbing his fork at the couch for emphasis. 

Cassian laughed. “Not much of a partier, huh?”

Bodhi shook his head. “Not at all.”

“I’ll look out for you, then,” Cassian said, and he didn’t even try to keep the affection out of his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger explanation: Cassian mentions he is dealing drugs, methamphetamine specifically, and he is concerned he sold some to a minor. Mention of overdose. No explicit drug use "shown."
> 
> By the way, [I’m on Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sassysnowperson)


	8. Uninhibited Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian loses some of his inhibitions. Bodhi just about loses his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks again to [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) for keeping the story humming along. Sorry for almost killing you over breakfast. 
> 
> Additional thanks to [Aeshna](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeshna/) who served as Hangover Realism Advisor. 
> 
> Any further mistakes are entirely my own.

* * *

The party really wasn’t so bad. There was the expected spread of hard shit, pills and tabs and lines of one powder or another. It made Cassian jumpy, but nobody batted an eye when he shook his head and said, “Can’t afford to develop a taste for the product.” Some Imps bought him shots instead, he downed three of them quickly enough to keep his cover intact. 

The shots had burned. Cassian didn’t know what exactly was in that Imp homebrew, but it had a kick. He knew he was a little tipsy by now, switching to a beer and nursing it as he made small talk with various Imps. 

As promised, he kept an eye on Bodhi, making sure he seemed safe and moderately happy. Right now he was over with some Imp Cassian didn’t recognize and gesturing with his hands while he talked. 

He was gorgeous when he was excited. His face lit up and an bright energy filled him. Cassian could look at him forever. 

“Helpful hint, man, nobody looks at their cousin that way. ‘Cept maybe certain members of the European monarchy during particular times of history.” Slash came up, grabbed at Cassian’s nearly-empty beer bottle and pressing another one into his hand. 

Cassian took a pull from the new bottle. He wrinkled his nose. “This beer tastes like shit.” 

“Yeah. It’s what’s free, though.” 

“To free beer!” Cassian said, his voice a little loud, holding up his bottle. Slash clinked his own against it. 

“Ya should go get him, take him around the dance floor.” 

Cassian took another drink. Slash was nice. He had good ideas. “I shouldn’t. He’s very beautiful and dancing with him is dangerous.” 

“It’s a party! Besides, I think Tagge might be putting the moves on him. You got to get in there.”

“It _is_ a party. But there’s a good reason why I shouldn’t dance with him. Can’t remember what it is now, though.” Cassian grinned over at Slash. 

“Then it couldn’t have been that important, now could it? Get over there! And hey, Manny…” 

Cassian looked over at him. Slash put his hand on Cassian’s shoulder. 

“Manny, you are who you are and you wanna fuck who you wanna fuck. If you’re mum can’t understand that, that’s on her, yanno?” 

Cassian’s chest felt warm. “I know. Thanks.” Cassian clapped his hand against Slash’s enormous bicep. “You’re a really good friend.” 

“Homies gotta have each other’s backs. Go get ‘im.” 

Cassian ambled over to where Bodhi stood talking, taking another sip of the terrible beer. As he came up Bodhi turned away from Tagge and looked over at Cassian. He raised his eyebrows. “Hey Manny. Enjoying yourself?”

Cassian just looked at Bodhi and grinned. Bodhi was paying attention to him. “Enjoying myself more now that I’m over here. With you.” 

Bodhi’s eyebrows climbed even further toward his hairline.

They guy Bodhi was talking to, Tagge, reached forward and put his hand on Bodhi’s arm. “We were in the middle of something.” 

Bodhi pulled away from Tagge, and edged towards Cassian. Cassian held his hand out to Bodhi, but didn’t touch him. That was rude. He didn’t want to be rude. Only when Bodhi pressed against his hand did he slide his arm over and wrap it around Bodhi’s shoulders. “I came over to see if you wanted to dance.” 

Bodhi looked over at Cassian, then at Tagge. “Yeah, I do, let’s go.” 

Bodhi led the two of them over to the dance floor. Cassian thought he had wrapped his arms around Bodhi, but found he was only hugging air. Bodhi stayed a little ways ahead of him, leading him through the crowd, eventually out the other side of the dance floor. “Thanks for saving me from him. He’s a bit of a bastard.”

Cassian frowned. He and Bodhi were going to dance, but Bodhi was far away from him. He held out his hand again. “So, you want to dance now?” 

Bodhi looked Cassian up and down. “Just how much have you had to drink?” 

“Not much. I know my limits. There was the shots when we got here, then two...three beers. I’m a li’l tipsy. Slash got me more beers. He’s nice.” 

Bodhi grabbed the beer out of Cassian’s hand. Why would he do that? It tasted terrible, but Cassian was enjoying how it made him feel. Bodhi sniffed at the bottle. 

“That’s not how you drink beer.” It was very important that Bodhi knew that. You were supposed to use your mouth. 

“That is not _beer_.” Bodhi looked into the bottle, then looked over at Cassian. “At least, not just beer. There’s a...lot...of hard liquor in this. How did you not notice?”

“Jus’ thought the beer tasted bad. Anyway. Not important. Do you remember why I’m not supposed to dance with you? Because I don’t and you’re handsome and I want to.” 

The corner of Bodhi’s mouth turned up as he looked over at Cassian. He was really attractive when he smirked. It’d be nice to kiss the corner of his mouth. Cassian should tell him that. 

“I want to kiss the corner of your mouth.” 

That same corner rose even more. “You are waaasted. I should film this.” 

Cassian stepped closer. “Film us kissing?” That seemed a little strange, but Cassian was willing to go for it. 

Bodhi put his hand up against Cassian’s chest. “We should get out of here.” 

“Why?” Cassian furrowed his brow. “I’m finally warmed up. We can have a good time.” 

Bodhi bit his lower lip. “Yeah. Definitely need to get you home. I think we’ve been here long enough to pay our social dues.” 

Bodhi wasn’t making sense. The party was nice, Cassian was doing fine. “There’s nothing important at home. Why are we going there?” 

Bodhi gave a sharp laugh of disbelief. “Um. Bed. Bed is there. You are going to sleep, and then if you remember this in the morning you are going to feel so embarrassed.” 

“Bed.” That was an interesting idea. “You’re right! There aren’t any beds here.” 

Bodhi ran his hands over his face. “Yes, very good Manny, there aren’t any beds here. So let’s go somewhere there are beds, hm?” Bodhi grabbed his hand and started pulling Cassian back through the dancing crowd, toward the exit. 

Bodhi’s fingers looked really good next to his fingers. But Cassian wanted to be touching more. Cassian jogged a couple steps forward and slung his arm around Bodhi’s neck. “You have nice hands.” 

“Thanks Manny.” Bodhi looked over at him and chuckled a little. “You’re an affectionate drunk, aren’t you?” Bodhi’s hand went around Cassian’s waist. 

As they headed towards the door Boxer stepped up between them and the door. 

“Boxer!” Cassian said cheerfully. “Boxer got me beers too. So...maybe I had four beers? Huh. Maybe I am drunk.” 

“Oh.” Bodhi’s voice was cold. “Boxer got you beers?” 

Boxer grinned and reached forward, rumpling Cassian’s hair. It felt nice. “This one seemed too uptight. Thought we’d keep him rolling on the hard stuff, loosen him up a little bit.”

Bodhi looked over at Cassian. “Seems to have worked.” He still sounded so grouchy. Cassian grinned at him to lighten the mood.

“Lookin’ out for ya. Manny, take care of my boy, you hear? I wanna hear his screams clear over here.” 

Why would Bodhi be screaming? People only screamed if they were in pain, or afraid, or—“Oh! Sex!” He patted Bodhi’s shoulder. “Beds are a great place for sex! Good plan. You are very smart and sexy.”

“Aw, yeah! You two lovebirds have a good night.” Boxer walked off.

“We are going to have the best sex in beds.” Cassian nuzzled Bodhi’s ear. 

Bodhi groaned. “I deserve this. This is payback for the whole bacon conversation.” 

Right! “That was a good conversation. I wanna fuck you while you’re all naked except for wearing an apron.” 

Bodhi made a frustrated noise. Cassian couldn’t figure out what his problem was. Unless…”I wanna do that in the kitchen. We should have bed sex first.” 

Bodhi coughed. “Yeah...let’s just get to the car for now. Car, then bed.” He dragged Cassian toward the door. 

“Goodnight everyone! We’re gonna have—” Cassian was cut off by Bodhi putting a hand over his mouth. 

“We’re going to play a game. It’s called, ‘be as quiet as you can while we’re getting to the car.’” 

“What do I get if I win?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Bodhi said, tugging him along. 

“I can be so quiet.” Cassian pressed his mouth against Bodhi’s shoulder. Bodhi squeaked.

They eventually did make it out to the car, Bodhi pouring Cassian into the passenger seat. Cassian fumbled with the seatbelt. It kept running away from him. Bodhi got into the driver’s seat and reached across the console to grab Cassian’s seatbelt, clicking it into place. It worked the first time for Bodhi. Seatbelt favoritism. 

But Bodhi’s face was now right next to Cassian’s which made up for it. “So, I was quiet, do I get a kiss?” Cassian leaned forward a little.

Bodhi pulled back away from Cassian. “Not right now. Right now I need to drive.” Bodhi jammed the keys into the ignition, starting the car and pulling away from the club. 

“You could have kissed me first.” Cassian folded his arms, leaning back against the passenger seat, pouting. 

“You know what’s hilarious, Andor? You think this is unfair _to you_.” 

Well. Bodhi was the one that hadn’t kissed him. Petulantly, Cassian said, “It is unfair to me.” 

Bodhi sighed. “I guess it is. It’s not your fault your drink was spiked. Let’s just get you home.” 

Cassian looked out the windows for a little while, but his head was too spinny for that. He turned the other way and looked at Bodhi instead. He looked like something out of a movie, strips of street lights running across his face as they drove. Cassian reached across the console and put his hand on Bodhi’s thigh. 

Bodhi stiffened and that made Cassian sad. Bodhi didn’t like it when Cassian touched him. Cassian pulled his hand back and went back to watching Bodhi. They pulled up to a red light and Bodhi looked over at him.

“For fuck’s sake, Andor, why are you looking at me like I just killed your puppy?”

“You don’t like it when I touch you,” Cassian said. “Which is fine. But I like touching you. So I’m sad.”

Bodhi looked at Cassian and gave a soft smile. But now Bodhi looked sad too. “It’s more complicated than that. I like it when you touch me.” 

Cassian reached out his hand again. “So this is okay?” 

“Yeah. That’s fine.” Bodhi turned back to watch the traffic, and the car started moving again. Cassian liked having his hand on Bodhi’s leg. He started running his hand up and down the length of Bodhi’s thigh. 

Bodhi made a choking sound. It didn’t sound like too bad of a sound, though, so Cassian kept petting Bodhi’s leg. He liked the way it felt, his skin on top of Bodhi’s pants, on top of Bodhi’s skin. If he squeezed he could feel the muscles shift underneath his hand. It was a good feeling. 

“I could suck you off right now!” Cassian said, as the thought occurred to him.

“No!” Bodhi said quickly, shifting in the driver's seat. “I...um...need to pay attention or we'll crash.”

“I could just do it at red lights,” Cassian offered. That seemed reasonable.

Bodhi made that choking sound again. “I—We're just going to table that suggestion for now. Not on this trip.”

“You're no fun,” Cassian mumbled against the passenger chair.

“Yep.” Bodhi pressed his lips together hard enough they started to go pale. “That's me. Killer of fun.” Bodhi said, much quieter, “I really hope you appreciate my self-control when you're sober again.”

Eventually the long, boring, blowjob-free car ride was over and Bodhi helped muscle Cassian into the apartment. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them Cassian stripped off his shirt. He turned and moved towards Bodhi. 

Just like on the dance floor, one second Bodhi was in front of him, the next he had darted away. He was looking at Cassian with wide eyes. He gave Cassian a quick once-over, adam’s apple bobbing as he did. 

It sure looked like Bodhi wanted him. So why was Bodhi over there?

Bodhi was giving him an appraising look. Cassian ducked his head and looked at Bodhi through his lashes in a way that he hoped was sultry. 

Bodhi started laughing. That was not the reaction Cassian had been hoping for. 

“Water,” Bodhi said, still chuckling. “Let’s get you some water.” 

Bodhi turned and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and filled it from the tap. As he stood by the sink, Cassian walked up behind him. He put a hand on either side of Bodhi, trapping him against the sink. “Water isn't what I want right now.” Cassian started to lean forward to put his lips against the back of Bodhi’s neck. 

“No,” Bodhi said, his voice cracking like a whip. Bodhi turned in the cage of Cassian’s arms and glaring at him. His glare faltered a little as he completed the turn and realized he was less than two inches away from Cassian. But his gaze firmed up again and he said, “Andor, I need you to hear me. I don’t want to have sex with you right now. I do want you to drink this glass of water.” Bodhi pushed the glass of water into the tiny space between them. 

Cassian stepped back, obediently took the glass of water, and drank it. He looked at Bodhi, confused and a little sad. “But why don’t you want me?” 

Bodhi pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “There is a special level of hell for people who take advantage of their drunk friends. You remember that, Bodhi,” he muttered, loud enough that Cassian could hear him, but quiet enough that he probably wasn’t meant to. 

“I’m not that drunk.” 

“Oh, Andor, you are. You really, really are.”

Cassian took a tiny half-step toward Bodhi. “I just want to make you feel good. I could make you feel really good.”

“Oh believe me. _I know._ ” Bodhi took a half step forward as well, his hand tensing like he was about to reach out. “Normally, I would be all over this. But…” Bodhi took a step back again before his face hardened into something more resolute. “…not tonight.” 

Well. That was disappointing. But still… “Maybe later?” Cassian asked, hopeful. 

Bodhi’s face softened into something sad and affectionate. “Yeah. Ask me again later.” It almost sounded like Bodhi was begging him. “Right now, let’s get you into bed.”

“We could go to your—”

Bodhi cut him off. “Your _own_ bed.” 

Cassian pouted. “Fine.”

* * *

Cassian’s elbows hurt. Cassian’s everything hurt, but he was particularly angry about the elbows. They didn’t usually hurt. There was sun peeking through a gap in the window. The sun hurt a lot. Cassian tried to roll over to get away from it. 

That was a bad plan. The room pitched and Cassian found himself curling into a ball as his stomach flopped over on itself and tried to work its way up his throat. His mouth was dry and his throat was made of sandpaper and he hadn’t had a hangover this bad since…

Since…

Never, actually. He was always careful with how much he drank. What had happened? Why did he drink— 

Oh. 

_Oh no._

Cassian groaned loudly as his gut-roiling misery was joined by a crippling sense of shame as every memory of the night before came prancing back through his mind in painfully accurate detail. 

He told Bodhi he had nice hands and a mouth he wanted to kiss. He had practically _molested_ Bodhi, first in the car, then in the kitchen. He had _propositioned_ Bodhi, repeatedly. 

And Bodhi had made sure he got out of the club without blowing his cover (or blowing Bodhi, Cassian remembered with a mortified flush). Made sure he drank water and took off his shoes before tucking him into bed. His own bed. Fully clothed. 

Cassian wondered what the odds were of him just dying under the covers. It seemed like the only reasonable way forward. There was no way he could go out there and face the light of day after having his once-quiet desires so exposed. 

Cassian normally had a very good thought-to-action filter that had apparently just...shut off last night. He had taken shameful advantage of Bodhi, possibly ruining their working relationship. 

Cassian made another miserable noise and huddled up into an even smaller ball. 

The door to his room cracked open. Cassian startled up, or at least he tried to. He made it about halfway before the room betrayed him and spun around, Cassian clamped a hand over his mouth. A tub appeared in front of him, which Cassian clutched until his stomach stopped twisting around. 

There was a hand attached to the tub, and the hand was attached to Bodhi. He looked up at Bodhi, who for some strange reason didn’t look like he wanted to murder Cassian. “God, Rook, I’m so—”

Bodhi pressed two fingers of his other hand against Cassian’s lips. Cassian stopped talking, his eyes going wide. 

“Looks like you do remember at least a little of last night.” Bodhi kept his voice quiet—a mercy. “You really wanna have this conversation while you feel like shit? I’m just here to be the painkiller fairy.” Bodhi removed his fingers and let go of the tub, reaching down to pick up a gigantic bottle of water and a bottle of Ibuprofen. He settled them on the nightstand. “I’m going to leave, come back in with a smoothie. Drink it once your stomach settles.” 

Cassian figured he probably looked pretty green. He attempted to nod, felt even worse, and gave up, puddling back down into bed. Bodhi left, returned not even thirty seconds later with the smoothie. He set it down on the nightstand as well, before sitting down on the bed next to Cassian. 

“Listen, we’re going to talk, ya? Just figured you should ride the worst of this out first. Don’t worry. We’re going to be fine.” Cassian realized that Bodhi was running his fingers through Cassian’s hair. He should probably stop that. But right now it was the only thing that felt good.

“You need anything else?” Bodhi asked.

Cassian mumbled a negative against the pillow. Bodhi ran his hands through Cassian’s hair for a couple seconds longer, then he got up and left.

* * *

The water, painkillers, smoothie, and two hours additional sleep had worked wonders, and Cassian felt nearly human again. His stomach calmed down and he reluctantly poked his head back into the common area. Bodhi was there, sprawled out on the couch, looking at his phone. He waved in acknowledgement, but didn’t look up. 

Cassian cleared his throat. Bodhi actually did look over then. “You look like crap,” Bodhi said. “Go shower, I’ll still be here afterward.” He went back to his phone. 

Cassian gratefully retreated to the bathroom. By the time he came out, he felt almost like his old self again. Aside from the fact that he was now burdened with the knowledge that he was capable of being an embarrassing bastard when drunk. That was something his old self never had to deal with. 

Hair still damp, he went over to the couch, where Bodhi was sitting now. Bodhi patted the couch next to him and Cassian sat down. He ran his fingers through his hair and cleared his throat. “So, I owe you an apology. Several apologies.” 

Bodhi drummed his fingers along the tops of his legs. “For what?”

Cassian’s laugh was rusty and despairing. “God. You really want me to list everything? Okay. Sure. For trying to maul you on the dancefloor, for saying inappropriate things about your hands and mouth, for—”

“No. Nope. Stop. Andor. You were drugged. Or whatever the equivalent is with alcohol. Drinked? Not like you did it on purpose.” 

“You still shouldn’t have had to put up with that.” 

“And you shouldn’t have had to deal with people doctoring your drinks. Andor, listen, you were mostly just incredibly prone to complimenting my good looks. And I mean, who can blame you?” Bodhi raised his eyebrows and gave a little shimmy. After a split second he grew more serious again. “Even drunk off your ass you listened when I said ‘no.’ You were fine. It was hard, pun fully intended,” Cassian felt his cheeks heat up and Bodhi grinned in response as he continued, “but mostly hilarious.” 

Cassian ducked his head. Nowhere in his worried practice runs of the conversation had he considered that Bodhi might just absolve him. Relief washed through him, heady and potent. “I do appreciate it.”

“Hm?” Bodhi cocked his head.

“In the car, you said you hoped I appreciated your self-control when I was sober again. I do. Thank you. Wouldn’t have even been taking advantage, the way I was throwing myself at you.” 

“Yeah. It would have been. I’m not that guy. But Andor?”

Cassian hmm’ed, looking over.

“If you think I am ever, ever letting you live down the fact that you didn’t recognize that your beer was like, eighty percent jetfuel, you’ve got another thing coming.” 

Cassian laughed, startled. “I—that’s fair. I deserve that.” Cassian looked over to the clock, stood up with a groan and a stretch. “I should probably get more food in me. Back on the clock soon.”

Bodhi stood up too. He licked his lips, looking suddenly nervous. “Hey…” 

Cassian looked over at him. Bodhi shifted to the balls of his feet, rocked back down, before looking over at Cassian and saying, “Um...you know...all the stuff you were saying last night. The answer would be different if you were sober.” 

Cassian’s mouth went dry as he looked over at Bodhi. Suspecting was one thing, but hearing it so blatantly, so explicitly...Cassian tried to keep the naked want off of his face. He swallowed heavily, before finally managing to say, “Yes. I know.” 

Bodhi angled his body toward Cassian and their eyes met. For a long moment Cassian was incapable of doing anything except staring into Bodhi’s eyes, certain that all the lust and love and longing he felt towards the extraordinary human in front of him was laid bare for the world to see. For Bodhi to see. 

Whether or not he saw, Bodhi didn’t say anything. He did take one tiny step towards Cassian, mirroring the moment in the kitchen last night. Cassian remembered his own words _“I just want to make you feel good. I could make you feel really good.”_ He could. He still could. 

Cassian took a tiny step toward Bodhi. He remembered Bodhi in the kitchen, pleading, _“Ask me again later.”_ He didn’t understand why, at the time, Bodhi sounded so desperate. Now he did. If Cassian said the word now, he could have Bodhi. Could strip him down naked and taste his skin. Could wreck him and worship him with fingers and teeth and tongue. Could hear what Bodhi sounded like unshackled from his worries and care, with only passion filling his senses. Cassian wanted. He wanted it so much. His hand reached out, almost brushing Bodhi’s waist. 

Bodhi’s breath caught and his eyes went wide and he leaned forward slightly.

Cassian came crashing back to his senses. He wrenched his hand backwards and stumbled over his own feet. Bodhi’s face as Cassian pulled away looked devastated—expression crumpling more and more the further Cassian moved from him. Bile rose in Cassian’s mouth and he managed a strangled, “I’m so sorry,” before he fled back to his room, slamming the door shut and collapsing against it. 

What was that? What the fuck was that? Cassian didn’t even have the excuse of alcohol in his system. 

All the wanting in the world didn’t make something right. It didn’t matter what Bodhi said, what Bodhi did, it was wrong. And if it came out that Cassian fucked his CI...it could ruin any chance Bodhi had at a plea deal. It didn’t matter how precious or fragile this thing between them seemed, the rest of the world would perceive it very differently. 

And it was not Bodhi Rook’s job to remember that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed it? Angry? [Come yell at me on Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sassysnowperson)


	9. Inevitable Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian feels guilty. Bodhi feels irritable. They both need more sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all know the deal by now. [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead)'s enthusiasm keeps this thing moving along, and free of at least some of it's blatant grammatical errors. All the remaining are my fault entirely.

* * *

Cassian left the room as quietly as he could when it was time to leave for “work.” Bodhi was nowhere to be seen, either when Cassian left or when he came back. Cassian did his check-in with Draven, hashed out the plan with the evolving information, and then paced around the room, jittery with excess energy. 

He had to figure out how to patch things up with Bodhi. There was just too _much_ between them now, tension and guilt in equal measure. He remembered Bodhi’s face, like Cassian had stolen Christmas and kicked his dog all at once. 

Cassian was fairly certain apology breakfast was not going to cut it this time. But he had to do something. It was four o’clock in the morning and there was no way Cassian was going to be able to sleep. He never could lie still when something was bothering him. Cassian turned problems into action.

He found himself cleaning the bathroom. Cleaner in one hand, scrub brush in the other he stood in the shower and scrubbed at the grout. It didn’t fix the problem. He knew it didn’t fix the problem. 

But him-and-Bodhi wasn’t a problem he _could_ fix. Cassian had been trying to shut off his damn attraction since day one, when Bodhi thrust and moaned against him as cover outside the club. He had been trying to shut off his feelings since that day too, if he was being honest with himself. Neither his heart nor his dick seemed at all inclined to follow the commands of his brain. 

That didn’t change the fact that an equal relationship was impossible, trying was unethical, and giving in would hurt Bodhi far more than it would hurt Cassian. So he was stuck. He couldn’t be with Bodhi. He couldn’t stop loving Bodhi. But he could clean the grout. And if the bathroom had a little less soap-scum by the time he left...at least he had made one thing right. 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” 

Cassian jumped and nearly dropped the scrub brush. He did drop the bottle of cleaner and it clattered noisily against the tub. In the aftermath of the loud clatter the small bathroom went deathly silent. Bodhi stood in the doorway, folding his arms. Cassian stood in the tub, embarrassed and holding a scrub brush, feeling like he had been caught doing something significantly more illicit than cleaning a shower. He shrugged, bending down to pick up the bottle again. 

Bodhi groaned, walked over to the closed toilet and flopped down on it, sprawling slightly as he regarded Cassian with an irritated sort of analysis. “You are aware it’s four-thirty in the morning?” 

Cassian grunted, sprayed the shower some more, and went back to scrubbing with a little more force than he had before. 

“Right so it’s twenty questions then.” Bodhi still sounded snappish and it grated on Cassian’s senses. “I’m guessing you can’t sleep? Antsy and jittery? Need to do something?” 

“It’s not twenty questions.” Cassian said, hating how right Bodhi was on every count, and really not wanting to talk about it. 

“Yeah. I’m on track. Right, I’m not going to make you talk about it. That never goes well for us.” Bodhi sounded bitter as he rocked his way back onto his feet. “But I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep knowing you’re in here trying to scrub your problems away. I’m going to go...cook something. Try to wrap this up, soon, yeah? We’re going to need to sleep at some point.”

After another ten minutes of scrubbing Cassian didn’t feel any better but at least the shower was clean. He tucked the cleaning supplies away again, washed his hands, and headed back to his bedroom. He still wasn’t going to be able to sleep, but he might as well not keep Bodhi up. 

One his way, Bodhi called out. “You still don’t look tired enough to sleep. You might as well stay up for pancakes. I’ve finished the batter, just cooking them now.” 

Cassian was over at the kitchen again before he knew what he was doing. “Need any help?” He asked. 

“Nah, I got it.” Bodhi still wasn’t smiling, but his tone had softened considerably. 

Cassian settled into the chair with a view of Bodhi working. He rested his chin on his hands and let his gaze settle on Bodhi. 

Cassian blinked. Twice. 

Bodhi was shirtless, which (much to Cassian’s delight and dismay) wasn't unusual. However, right now he seemed to be _aggressively_ shirtless. His pajama pants were slung low over his hips, hipbones showing a sharp “V” that Cassian’s thumbs longed to trace. His hips seemed to twitch in time to some music in his brain and Cassian’s mouth dried out. Again. 

The fact that Bodhi’s overwhelming attractiveness was becoming a normal fact of life did not in any way lessen his reaction to it. 

As Cassian watched, Bodhi moved around the kitchen grabbing what he needed to cook the pancakes. Bodhi bent down to grab a pan. Instead of crouching like a _normal human being_ Bodhi bent at the waist, his thin pajama pants drawing tight against his ass. 

Cassian gave a near-reflexive curse at life's unfairness.

Bodhi grabbed a pan and stood back up, settling it on the stove. He then rummaged through a couple of the upper drawers, then bent at the waist _again_ , going through the lower drawer. Apparently not finding what he needed he kept rummaging, giving Cassian a decadent amount of time to ogle his rear end. 

Cassian didn't bother trying not to look. It's not like his attraction wasn't well documented at this point.

The heated look Bodhi gave him as he stood up again let Cassian know that his interest was not unobserved. Cassian found he still had some shame left and looked away. 

Bodhi made an exasperated noise and turned the stove on. After a long moment Cassian turned his head back to Bodhi, who now seemed blessedly fixed on the pancakes themselves. 

This was a good chance to try to fix some of what seemed broken between them, As Cassian watched Bodhi wave the spatula idly and stare at the pan he tried to find words to break through the unrest that had seeped into their relationship.

_‘I love you.’_

Those would be words for Cassian, not for Bodhi. While it might give Cassian some personal relief to have them said aloud, it would only add to the tension between them. It’s not like Cassian could _act_ any differently.

Bodhi looked over at Cassian again as he shoveled the first pancake out of the skillet. He picked up the batter and poured it out, getting most of it into the pan but some of it along his hand and wrist. 

Bodhi locked eyes with Cassian and Cassian felt an anticipatory sense of dismay. Bodhi—eyes never leaving Cassian’s—licked a stripe along his forearm and up his hand, ending by closing his mouth over his finger. Bodhi closed his eyes and hollowed out his cheeks and moved the finger in and out of his mouth in a way that could only be described as obscene. 

Cassian couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped him. 

Bodhi’s eyes flew open in a sort of vicious victory, smirking at Cassian before turning back to the stove, stretching and leaning back as he went, pajama pants sinking even lower on his hips until a strip of dark curly hair peeked out the front of his pants—

Cassian finally lost it and snapped, “You’re doing this on purpose.” 

“Gee, Andor, sure sucks to receive mixed signals, doesn’t it?” Bodhi shot back, body posture contracting back into an irritated slump as he flipped a pancake with more force than was strictly necessary. 

“I said I was sorry, I was drunk—”

“You weren’t drunk while you eyefucked me in the living room and then tripped over your own feet in your hurry to leave!”

“I said I was sorry then too!” 

“For what!?” Bodhi slammed his hand down on the counter and glared over at Cassian. 

“I’m sorry for…” Cassian swallowed hard, looking for the right way to say it. “...for saying one thing with my body language and another with my words. I want...but what I want doesn’t matter. I _can’t_.” He looked at Bodhi with wide eyes, begging him to understand. “I’m sorry for when I forget that. I—I’ll try to do better. Unless...if you’d rather work with someone else...” 

Bodhi looked alarmed. “God, no.” He held up his hand and the conversation paused as he scraped the second pancake out of the skillet. “I...I’m sorry too. I know I haven’t been making things easy on you. I just get my hopes up…” Bodhi sighed, setting down the spatula and pulling his pajama pants up to a reasonable height again. “I’ll settle. You’ve made your position clear, I’ll respect it, even if it’s not what I was hoping to hear.” 

Cassian rested his head in his hands. “Thank you,” he said with feeling. “I’m sorry we even needed to have this conversation. I’ve been unprofessional.” 

“Damn it.” 

Cassian looked up, alarmed. 

Bodhi gave a crooked sort of smile over at Cassian. “I promised myself these were going to be Retaliation Pancakes, not Apology Pancakes, but it looks like they’re Apology Pancakes after all.” 

Cassian snorted. “If this is Apology Breakfast, then I definitely need to help.” He slowly got to his feet. “What do you want to drink, and which cabinet has your syrup?”

* * *

Apology breakfast part two was pleasant, after all the confession had finished. Cassian found himself exhausted after the discussion, but still ravenous. He shoveled down the pancakes as Bodhi chatted. Afterward he took the dishes over to the sink, waving off Bodhi’s help. Bodhi leaned against the counter next to the sink as Cassian washed. 

“You know, while you were too busy getting wasted at the party, I had another idea about the shipment.” 

“What was that?”

“Dunno if you remember, but Tagge, the guy I was talking too when you came over?”

“I remember not liking him very much. Was that the liquor talking?” 

“No, or at least, Drunk Cassian has good instincts. He’s pretty high up the Imps. I was thinking, if we could figure out what the likely targets are, we can probably figure out which warehouse they’ll transport too. I mean, the docks or just outside of it are probably the safest point of intercept, but if we know where it’s heading…” 

“More options.” Cassian reached for the pan, started soaking it.

“Exactly, so I was trying to get a sense of who might be on the Imp’s shit list.” 

“The weapons are not...discriminate.”

“Right, so probably not anywhere near the main Imp turf. But while I was talking with Tagge...look, I can’t prove anything, but he made some pretty pointed comments about the way the city was being run. Mayor’s really trying to crack down on corruption...do you think they’d go after city hall?”

Cassian was silent as he scrubbed and rinsed. Finally, setting the pan on the rack, he said, “I don’t think we can rule it out.” 

“I was worried you’d say that.” Bodhi sighed. “Alright, I’ll poke around today at work. I have some ideas in terms of what to say. I’ve been such a good little soldier recently.” Bodhi gave Cassian a bitter smile, “Honestly, turning traitor has really improved my productivity. Krennic commended me the other day.”

“You must be so proud.” Cassian said, voice dry. 

Bodhi grinned over at him. “I’m looking forward to seeing him taken out.” 

Cassian returned it with a smile. “Me too.”

* * *

Cassian was weary when he stumbled back home after his shift on the street. The painful reality of dealing drugs was a constant sandpaper irritation wearing down his soul. Between that and the parts of himself he was killing every time he nearly took advantage of Bodhi he was worried he wouldn’t have much soul left by the time he was done. 

The moral sludge was joined by an exhaustion in his bones. He and Bodhi had stayed up far too late talking, strategizing. Or was that early? Late night shifts were confusing. 

Having both the attraction and the fact that Cassian was not going to act on it out in the open took an unbelievable amount of pressure off the relationship. It had felt healing to talk to him, after the past couple of days. 

That did not help Cassian’s current exhaustion, though. He was going to crawl into bed and not move for at _least_ eight hours. 

Well, that was his plan. The plan changed when he saw Bodhi at the kitchen table jump up as Cassian walked through the door. 

“Finally. You’re back. I have news.” Bodhi’s hands twisted in front of him as he bounced a little on his toes. 

“Everything okay?” Cassian asked, setting his bag down. 

“I know who the driver for the shipment is.”

Cassian’s exhaustion fell away as a surge of energy took over. Finally. Good news. Cassian walked quickly over to the table. “That’s incredible. Alright, tell me about them. Can we get a tracer on them? Do we know what car they're going to use? Anything we can use that you can know about? If we could flip the driver that would really—”

“Yeah, I’d say you could flip the driver.” Bodhi shifted some more, then gave a tiny wave over at Cassian. “It’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (guys) (I've finished the rough draft of the fic) (I'm editing and posting as I go) (But it has an end now!)


	10. Intimate Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One night left before the weapons shipment. Bodhi and Cassian try and fail to ignore this fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still all [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead)'s fault. (Okay, and mine.)

* * *

“So there will be two additional gunmen in the car with Rook, as well as two escort cars.” Draven’s voice came over Cassian’s phone. 

“Right,” Cassian said, jotting down notes. “But at this point they’re not aware of any interference, which means that the escort cars will be civilian model, designed to blend in. Rook has a fair amount of discretion in setting the route, and he and I have been over the easiest points of intercept.”

“We’re putting a lot of faith in him for this. Do you trust him?” 

“...Sir, in the last three weeks I have lost track of the number of times he had the opportunity to screw me over or sell me out and instead he’s done everything he could to keep my cover intact and the plan moving forward. He wants out, and he wants this weapon stopped. No doubt about it.”

“Right. Well, plan’s in place, Feds are finally getting off their asses, we move tomorrow. You’re extracting tomorrow morning?” 

“Yes. We need to look inconspicuous as long as possible.” 

“Right. See you then. I’ll try to keep the feds from completely taking credit for your hard work.”

“Mine and Rook’s. But as long as the weapon is stopped, Sir, I think we can share the glory.” 

“Of course, Andor. Goodbye.” 

Cassian left his room, anticipation and worry fighting for his attention. The plan was coming together and it felt possible. It felt like they had a chance. But Cassian had spent years doing this and he knew it was never going to be as easy as it was on paper.

Bodhi being the driver was a moment of luck, certainly. Cassian knew it made the most practical sense. But the tiny part of him that was desperate to be selfish wanted it to be _anybody_ else. If it was someone else they could have extracted Bodhi already. He could be safe. 

Cassian had found there was little in the world he wanted more than Bodhi safe and happy. 

Instead, he was on-shift, driving around for the Imps, no doubt putting the finishing touches on whatever the Imp plan was. He’d get home soon, they’d finish pulling apart the Imp plan, and then…

Cassian was trying not to think about what happened next. 

The soft sound of keys jingling outside the apartment door caused Cassian to perk up, looking over. The door opened and even before Cassian could see Bodhi, he knew something was wrong. Bodhi’s footsteps were shuffling, dragging. 

Cassian was over to the front door in seconds, eyes going wide as he took in Bodhi. There was a greyish tinge to his skin, his hair was coming out of his ponytail in strands, and fine blood drops were sprayed across his shirt and pants and up his neck. The blood was at least a couple hours old, brown flecks starting to scrape off his neck. 

“Are you okay?” Cassian said. 

Bodhi slumped against the wall, just staring at Cassian. 

Cassian came closer. “Are you shot?”

“No.”

“Injured?”

“No. Krennic, he…”

Bodhi trailed off, shivering a little, hands hugging around himself again. Cassian hadn’t seen him this disoriented since dragging him out of the interrogation room, out from Agent Guerra’s torture. “Did he make you?” 

Bodhi whined, high in his throat. It sounded like he wanted to scream but couldn’t summon the energy. “No. He...Galen’s dead. Krennic shot Galen. Shot Galen’s team. He was mad, screaming about a traitor. I was standing so close I could feel the blood spray but I didn’t say anything I didn’t do anything I just let him shoot them and they’re gone and—” 

Bodhi cut himself off, looked down at his clothes in horror, and then started tugging at them, pawing at the buttons. “I need, I need—”

Cassian stepped forward and caught his hands. “Hey. Hey, you did the right thing. There was nothing you could do. Now, those clothes might be evidence. We will get him for this. He will go _down_ Rook, I promise, he will. Now here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to go change, put those clothes in some zip-lock bags, okay. Then you’re going to shower.” 

Bodhi looked over at Cassian, eyes wide and gave a tiny nod. He abruptly latched on to Cassian's hands and squeezed, Cassian could feel his hands were shaking. They stood in the entryway a long moment like that, Cassian holding Bodhi's shaking hands. 

Eventually, Bodhi loosened his grip. “Didn't think I'd make it back here,” he said, his eyes staring off into some distant middle ground. Seemingly on autopilot, he started walking towards his bedroom. Bodhi swallowed, looked over at Cassian. “Will you still be here after? I don’t think—I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Cassian met Bodhi’s eyes. “Rook. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to call Draven and let him know what’s going on. See if the plan needs to change. I’ll be on the couch the whole time. I’ll be talking. You’ll know I’m here.” 

Bodhi’s face stopped looking quite so hunted. One of his fingers twitched and he tipped his head to the side. “They’re losing the civilian escorts. Going to be armored cars, now. Still two gunmen in my car, now four in each of the others. They’re taking over the eastern part of the port, calling in everyone on Imp payroll. Those are the major changes.” Bodhi was emotionless as he reported this, eyes going blank with the recall.

Cassian nodded. “Good work. I’ll pass that on. Don’t worry. It’s not just the two of us. We have a lot of resources, and can handle the changes. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Go on. I’m right here.” 

“Okay.”

* * *

Cassian was wrapping things up with Draven when Bodhi emerged from the shower, nearly half an hour later. There was still a tremble in his hands but his eyes were a little less blank. Cassian patted the couch and pointed at the phone, mouthing, ‘one minute.’ 

Bodhi sat down on the couch next to Cassian and tucked his knees up, huddling into a miserable little ball. Cassian’s heart ached for him but he strove to keep his tone professional as he spoke with Draven. 

“I think that’s about it, Sir.” 

“Alright, I’ll pass things along. Good luck tonight.” 

“Goodnight, Sir.” 

He hung up the phone and looked over at Bodhi. Bodhi had started shaking more, arms still curled around his knees. Cassian looked over at him and felt his heart break entirely. “Feeling any better?” 

“No,” said Bodhi, tone quiet and aching. “Think I was in shock before. Now…” Bodhi’s eyes filled up with tears and he muffled a sob against his knees. “He was a good man, and now he’s dead.”

“Krennic is not getting away with this.”

Bodhi’s only response was another rough sob as he grabbed his knees tighter. Cassian started to reach an arm over to him, stopped. His hand tightened. Damn it. Professionalism was one thing, this was entirely different.

“Rook,” Cassian said. “Can I...can I give you a hug?” 

Bodhi looked up, eyes shining, and nodded. Cassian reached over again, put his arm around Bodhi’s shoulders. For a moment he only held Bodhi, rubbing his hand comfortingly along his shoulder as his cries picked up. But then Bodhi slowly tipped toward him, and Cassian tugged him as he went. He pulled and Bodhi slid until he was huddled right up next to Cassian; his head resting against Cassian’s shoulder. Cassian wrapped his other arm around Bodhi as well, cradling the back of Bodhi’s head against his chest. 

Bodhi cried and Cassian held him. Eventually, the sobs tapered off and Bodhi took a couple shaking but deep breaths. Bodhi didn’t move right away, though, and Cassian was in no hurry to move him. Bodhi was hurting badly and this was comfort Cassian could provide. 

Eventually, Bodhi did push off of him and Cassian let him go. Bodhi didn’t move far, just pulled himself upright again. He pressed his hands against his eyes and said, “Thanks. I...yeah...thanks.” Bodhi leaned heavily against the back of the couch. “I didn’t do a damn thing, I just stood there.” 

There was a long moment of silence before Cassian answered, “You survived.” 

“Yeah, I...shit. He killed Galen’s team first, one by one. Made us all watch. Made Galen watch, before he killed Galen too. I was so certain that I would be next. But Krennic...Krennic just updated me on the security protocols and left. He has to know. He has to know that it was me. Maybe he’s got something set up to kill me tomorrow.” 

“He’s got no reason to suspect you. If he did, he would have killed you then. You are going to be fine,” Cassian said. 

Bodhi had better be fine. Cassian wasn’t sure if he could hold himself together if Bodhi wasn’t.

Bodhi’s eyes narrowed. “Dont bullshit me, Andor. Whether or not Krennic suspects me, tomorrow is going to be fuckin’ dangerous and I might not make it out. It’s going to be worse, now. More men with more guns. So look, you go on your merry little way, finally back to your safe precinct and respectable friends, but don’t pretend that this is going to be easy.”

Cassian’s eyes widened at Bodhi's sudden vitriol. “I’m not—I’m not pretending! I know it’s not...Rook, if I could switch places with you, I would. I’d see you safe in an instant.”

“I know, you still feel guilty or whatever that I’m involved. I’m not trying to make that worse, but you’re leaving tomorrow and I might die and even if I don’t die I’m probably not going to see you again and I just—” Bodhi cut himself off and looked over at Cassian. 

Cassian felt like he had just been stabbed. That was it, that was exactly what he had been trying very hard not to think about. 

Something desperate crossed Bodhi’s face. When Bodhi spoke again his voice was full of self-loathing. “I know I’m worthless. One more piece of shit of street trash, making the world a worse place. But it would be really convenient if you could just forget that for, you know, one night. Long enough to give a man one last fuck as a send-off?”

Cassian's mouth fell open. 

“It’s not like it would be a hardship. We’ve established that you like my body, at least. You could just...pretend I’m someone else, maybe? I wouldn’t mind.”

Cassian managed a spluttering, “What?”

Bodhi flinched. “I know, I know, I’m a gang-banger. You must hate everything about me. But you’ve been so kind and you just let me cry all over you and I was just hoping that...you must think I’m pathetic. Forget it. Ignore me. Sorry I asked.” Bodhi stood up off the couch and started quickly walking towards his room, swallowing hard as he went. 

He nearly got to his room before Cassian managed to get his thoughts together and jumped to his feet. “Rook, wait!”

“I _said_ forget it,” Bodhi spat, pushing the door knob down. 

He took one step into his bedroom before Cassian called out, “ _Bodhi._ ”

Bodhi stopped moving. His name hung in the apartment. Even though Cassian had thought of his informant as Bodhi since nearly the beginning, he had never let himself say it out loud. Always Rook. One more line of professional defense. Until now. He swallowed, and doubled down. “Bodhi. You...you think I don’t like you?”

“What else am I supposed to think?” Bodhi’s voice was thin and his eyes were filled with tears that hadn’t yet fallen. “Your mom was shot in a drive-by shooting. You hate _yourself_ for the gang work that you do, and you didn’t have a choice! I chose this life, Cassian. I know it, you know it, and I am responsible for fuckin’ terrible things. How _could_ you like me? I’m an Imp!”

Cassian slowly approached Bodhi. “You’re not an Imp. As far as I’m concerned you haven’t been an imp since the day you called me out outside the club. You want to talk about responsibility? About choice? You chose a hard path and have followed it without flinching. You were badly treated and still willing to help. You’ve kept me safe. You’ve risked your life. You have been the best partner I have ever had and I am so, so sorry if I ever made you feel like you were anything else.”

“Oh.” Bodhi blinked and the tears finally fell. “But then why...why have you been holding back this whole time? You said you want me,” Bodhi’s voice wavered slightly, growing a tentative note of wonder, “and you actually like me. You must know I’ve been gone on you since...since you pulled me out of the interrogation room, probably.” 

Cassian stopped an arm’s-length away from Bodhi. He gave Bodhi a smile that he was sure looked hopelessly fond. “Bodhi, we are in a horrible situation. Do you know how _easy_ it would be for me to take terrible advantage of you?” 

Bodhi looked confused. Cassian let his voice harden, snapped out, “On your knees, Rook. Either you let me fuck your pretty little mouth, or you go to prison for the rest of your life.” 

Bodhi’s mouth went open a little bit. “I probably shouldn’t find that hot.”

Cassian’s face stayed serious. “And do you know how many consequences I would face for doing that? None. Exactly none. I could ruin your life and walk away scot-free.”

“Cassian.” 

Cassian’s felt his serious demeanor break and soften at the sound of his name in Bodhi’s mouth. 

Bodhi smiled at Cassian, his face full of affection. “Cassian, I know you. You _wouldn’t_.”

Cassian shook his head. “But I _can_. And you can’t say no.” 

“I wouldn’t say no. I want you, Cassian.” 

“I want you too. I care about you. But...it’s not about want or would. It’s about can and can’t. And because you can’t say ‘no’...I can’t trust your ‘yes’.” 

Bodhi stepped closer, put a hand on either of Cassian’s shoulders. “Cassian. You’re a noble idiot.” And then he grinned, and it was the most beautiful thing Cassian had ever seen.

Cassian’s smiled in response, shrugging a little. “Probably true...Bodhi, this whole time, while you’ve been flirting with me you thought I didn’t like you?”

Bodhi flushed slightly. “Not...entirely. Not at first. I thought you were just repressed or not interested. But after the night with the hot chocolate...yeah, pretty much figured you couldn’t stand...well, not me, but what I stood for. I figured I was your obligation, an irritation you had to tolerate and keep safe. But you were so damn...nice. Kind. Good. Clearly thought I was hot as hell. I kept hoping that eventually you would think I was worth your time.” 

Cassian pulled Bodhi in for another hug. Arms wrapped around him, chin resting on his shoulder, Cassian said, “Despite the bad timing, the bad situation...every second with you has been entirely worthwhile. You are extraordinary. You would have been easy to ignore if you were just a pretty face. Instead, you got under my skin. Made me care.” Cassian felt emotion catch in his throat. “Made me care too much.”

Cassian felt Bodhi’s arms tighten around his shoulders. “This whole time, the pie, the dance, the multiple almost-kisses, all of that, you were worried you were coercing me?” 

“Yes. I had no reason to suspect you were not genuine, but…”

“But it’s a bad situation.” Bodhi nodded against Cassian’s shoulder. He pulled back and sighed, looking at Cassian. “And nothing’s really changed, has it? You’d still give yourself hell if we fell into bed now.” 

“Yes. And I want you out of the Imps with a plea deal, any impropriety would jeopardize that.” 

“Well, damn.” Bodhi looked at Cassian, “Sleep with me.” 

“I just said—”

“Not like that. I just can’t be alone right now. No...impropriety. We can stay on the couch if it would make you feel better. I just need you close. Please.” 

There might be a universe where Cassian could resist a plea like that, where he could bid Bodhi goodnight and retreat back into his bedroom. But it wasn’t this one. 

“The bed is fine. Just let me grab some pajamas.” 

Bodhi smiled, tired but genuine. “I want it noted for the record that I am not making a joke about just sleeping naked because I am respecting your boundaries.”

* * *

Cassian couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so content. He was stretched out on his back, Bodhi tucked in along his side. Bodhi’s head was on his chest, Bodhi’s arm across his waist, and their legs were tangled together. Bodhi’s breathing was deep and even, Cassian thought he might be asleep. But when Cassian brushed his fingers along Bodhi’s back, Bodhi made a pleased wriggle and burrowed in closer. 

“I’m glad it was you,” Bodhi mumbled against his chest. “That you were the cop. I’m glad we got the chance to meet, no matter the circumstances.” 

“I agree.”

“Do you...ever think about after? Could you see a future for us?” 

Cassian swallowed. He tightened his grip along Bodhi’s shoulders. “I tend not to think about the future too much. I haven’t had a lot to look forward to in a long time.” 

Bodhi made an understanding noise, a little disappointed. 

“But Bodhi?”

Bodhi hummed.

“Every happy future I can imagine has you in it. I dream about knowing you in a better time and place.” 

Bodhi went silent for a long moment. A shiver ran through him. “Cassian,” he said on a shaky exhale, “you have got to be careful saying things like that. A guy could get ideas.” 

“They’d be the right ones.” 

Bodhi burrowed his face in Cassian’s chest. “You can go ahead and get ideas too. I feel happy and safe and home when I’m with you. I want that for a long, long time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure the next day will be fine and there will be no problems and everyone will be happy. 
> 
> [I’m on Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sassysnowperson)


	11. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) helped keep me on track with this thing, her reactions let me know whether or not I was actually writing the story I wanted to write. Thanks!

* * *

The van was starting to reek of stale sweat and the headphones he was wearing made Cassian’s ears itch. Cassian focused in on these minor irritations because then he didn’t have to think about— 

“Rook’s starting his run,” Chief Organa announced. She checked her watch. “On schedule. No suspicion so far, observers report.”

Cassian kept his face impassive. He glanced around the room. Chief, Draven, a couple other officers, and much to Cassian’s furious chagrin, Guerra. It was a disgrace that man got to keep his badge. Guerra noted his gaze, engaging Cassian in a glare of mutual spite. 

Mostly, Cassian was trying not to throw up. The cops had eyes on Bodhi, the feds had eyes on Bodhi, but mostly this just came down to Bodhi doing the job he was trained to do. Cassian was a pile of nerves trying to hold himself together through sheer force of will. 

The route Bodhi and Cassian had gone over took him through a series of narrow passageways and one way streets that was designed to _look_ like Bodhi was thinking ahead and avoiding attention. In reality, those passes would make it possible to separate the transport vehicle from the chase vehicles. If they could get Bodhi's car alone there was a much better chance authorities could stop the shipment.

There were a lot of ways things could go wrong. If they started to suspect Bodhi. If they demanded Bodhi drive a different route. If they were tipped off to the undercover vehicles. If...if…

Cassian reminded himself that he and Bodhi had planned, iterated, prepared for contingency after contingency. Bodhi was prepared. Cassian just needed to trust him.

The first chokepoint was coming up. Cassian’s heart stopped as he watched the monitors. Bodhi swung the car around with practiced ease and the two chase vehicles moved to follow. One successfully followed, the other was forced behind the first. A planted car moved between the two vehicles and deliberately stalled, blocking the lane. When the car tried to swing around, another planted vehicle skidded into the first car, effectively blocking the entire road. 

The chase car was stuck, trying to back up and work its way around. There was a shout of triumph from someone in the van. One down. One to go. 

Cassian’s hands clenched into fists as he watched Bodhi move through the streets. 

Another tense two minutes went by and then Bodhi turned his way down a narrow one-way road. Cassian clenched his fists still tighter, feeling the crescents of his nails digging into his palm. This was the most suspicious part of the route for Bodhi to justify. It was also the best chance of breaking the second chase vehicle away. But if the gunmen caught on, if they decided that Bodhi wasn’t acting in the Imp’s best interest—

Bodhi drove his car under a bridge.

The bridge exploded. 

Fire licked out from the supports and knocked the car to the side, half a second before Cassian couldn’t see the car, all he could see was a pile of rubble. 

Cassian stared at the monitor in disbelief for a long moment. It was a shitty traffic cam video in scritchy black and white. Still, you didn’t need high-definition footage to see that there had been a bridge and now there wasn’t. And Bodhi’s car...Cassian froze, the only part of his body moving was his eyes, flicking from one monitor to another, before the bridge, after the bridge, desperately hoping that he had seen it wrong, that Bodhi’s car wasn’t caught in the explosion. Wasn’t buried under tons of rubble.

Behind where the bridge used to be police vehicles swung into a neat half-circle behind the chase vehicle, sirens blazing, cops pouring out of cars, holding guns. Cassian watched on the monitor as the four gunmen in the car stepped out, hands up, and were taken down peacefully by the officers. 

Still no sign of Bodhi. 

Cassian slowly blinked his way out of his disbelief, realizing that the van was full of happy noises, Guerra giving an exultant shout, Chief Organa leaning back in relief and pinching the bridge of her nose, and Draven…Draven was watching Cassian carefully. 

Cassian returned his look, face made of stone. He slowly put together the pieces in his head. The complete lack of surprise in the van, the quick police response time…

“Was that always the plan, Sir?” Cassian asked Draven, voice tundra cold. 

Draven held is gaze a handful of heartbeats longer. “You were compromised,” he finally answered, looking away. 

Cassian deliberately untensed his hands, stretching his fingers out as far as they would go. He reached for the van door, opened it, stepped out and started walking. 

He had to get to the rubble. He had to get to Bodhi. He ran through his internal map of the city, and started walking south. 

He heard the van open and close, then long quick strides catching up to him. Cassian didn’t turn around, he kept walking. After a minute, Draven caught up and slowed his pace, walking with Cassian. “So what’s your plan here?”

Cassian didn’t answer. He kept walking. 

Draven let the silence linger for a few more steps, before continuing, “Dig through the rubble yourself? Maybe set off a chemical weapon while you're at it? We've got hazmat coming in. They'll see to the site."

Cassian still didn’t stop. Draven’s words were so much background noise compared to his overwhelming _need_ to see it with his own eyes, to _know_. Bodhi had been alive that morning. Bodhi’s heartbeat had thumped against Cassian’s chest. His breathing had been slow and strong, synchronized with Cassian’s. He had been alive, he could still be alive, and Cassian just had to get to him again. Had to see him safe. 

Draven stepped around in front of him, Cassian gave him an irritated glare and tried to move around. Draven’s hands shot out, grabbing Cassian’s wrist and pulling hard. Cassian stumbled up against Draven, found that Draven was shouting at him. “Andor! Are you listening?” 

Cassian rounded on Draven. “Yes. I hear you. But I have to—”

“Even if you showed up you wouldn’t be allowed on-site. There are volatile substances there that wouldn’t just hurt you! They could take out city blocks! Do you want that, Andor?”

Draven pulled at Cassian’s wrist again, pulling Cassian in front of him, face to face. Cassian yanked his wrist back and looked away, rubbing it. “Of course not.” 

“Let hazmat do their job. They’ll handle the weapon and any bodies. You have next-of-kin information, you pass it on. Don’t need to worry about that right now, though.” 

For a long moment, neither Cassian nor Draven moved. Draven continued, “Officially, the bridge blew too early, and the loss of our informant is a tragic mistake. You understand? That's the official line. He died a noble hero, saved the city. He'll get a nice plaque. Rook will be remembered well. That’s all any of us can ask for.” 

Cassian felt fury rise in him. No. Rook didn’t deserve to be remembered well. He deserved the chance to live a long, full, happy life. He deserved the chance to see who he could become, free from a run-down city with only bad options. He deserved the world. Not a fucking plaque.

He kept the fury from his face, embracing a stonly emotionlessness. He stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging. “I suppose you’re right, Sir.” 

Draven looked visibly relieved. 

Hands still in his pockets, Cassian wrapped his fingers around his cell phone. With long practiced ease, Cassian turned on the recording feature. “If tragic accident is the official line, what’s the unofficial one?” 

Draven looked off to the side, his face troubled. "This thing was too dangerous. It could have killed tens of thousands of people. One informant for that many saved...it was a calculated risk. We make sacrifices Andor. You'll remember that. You're just tired now.” Draven put his hand on Cassian’s shoulder and said, kindly, “Go home. Get some rest. Take some time to remember who you are outside of your undercover role. Your head will clear after a while. He was just an Imp."

Cassian had never been as close to killing someone as he was to killing Draven in that moment. ‘Just an Imp.’ Still, he managed to restrain himself, stone face not shattering. “I’ll take your advice then, Sir. Please inform me of any news.” 

“Will do. Take it easy, Andor.”

* * *

Cassian let himself into his apartment for the first time in two weeks. He didn’t have any pets that might miss him, or any plants to be watered. There were no dishes in the sink because he owned exactly one plate and one cup and they went from the drying rack to the table back to the drying rack. He lived the sort of life that could afford personal neglect. 

_Bemused chuckling coming from the kitchen, food appearing in front of him on the table._

A month ago he would have said he was happy with it. 

_Gentle hands working their way around his torso, soothing his aching shoulder._

His things went into a pile by the front door, and Cassian walked through his apartment, back to his room. 

_A bundle of clothes outside his door, happy note pinned to them._

Cassian laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. 

_Tiny twitches from the body next to him, soft snores, even in sleep reaching closer, craving more contact._

Cassian’s brain circled around the thing Cassian wasn’t thinking about. Thoughts of happier times probed for weakness, trying to edge his train of thought toward magnificent glory of what he had had and the magnitude of what he had lost. But another part of his brain, wounded and protective, chased those thoughts away. He couldn’t handle it right now. 

Cassian stared at the ceiling.

* * *

Cassian gradually became aware that his phone was ringing. He looked away from the ceiling, over at his phone. Apparently five hours had gone by. It could have been two seconds. Or an eternity. Time seemed to be a malleable concept at the moment. As he stared at the phone it stopped ringing. 

And then immediately started again. Cassian answered, running mostly on instinct. “This is Andor.”

“Andor, this is Leia.”

The Chief's voice was softer than Cassian could ever remember it being. This was it then. Confirmation that the body had been found. Cassian struggled up to sitting position in bed, “Chief.”

“Your informant is in Eadu Intercommunity Hospital ICU.” 

Cassian shot out of bed.“What?”

“He survived the explosion. Condition is still critical, but considering how closely you worked with him you have the right to know…”

“Thank you.” For a moment Cassian forgot his rage, his betrayal, and was just overwhelmingly grateful that Rook was alive and he knew. “Thank you,” he said again, with feeling.

* * *

Cassian arrived at the hospital. He wasn't entirely certain how he had gotten there. Everything was a blur from the point when he grabbed his keys to the point where he pulled into the parking lot. He moved through reception in the hallways in a daze, stumbling past room 211, 213, 215, until on the left...

There he was. He looked terrible. His left arm and leg were in casts, both elevated above the bed. Parts of his torso were wrapped in bandages, standard antimicrobial treatment for burns. Thin red lines of shrapnel sliced along the left side of his face. 

He was breathing. He was alive.

He was the most beautiful thing Cassian had ever seen.

Cassian was frozen halfway across the room, just staring at Bodhi, so happy, so astounded that he was alive. Cassian felt like a part of him that had died was coming back to life, as he watched the rise and fall of Bodhi’s chest. 

“That was fast.” 

Cassian startled out of his reverie as he realized that Chief Organa was sitting down on the other side of Bodhi’s bed. She stood and walked around, giving him an appraising look. 

Cassian didn’t respond. There wasn’t really a good way to answer. _“He’s the most important thing in the world to me, of course speed limits mean nothing,”_ was a bit incriminating. 

His gaze was drawn down towards Bodhi again. 

“He's stable,” said Leia, answering one of his unspoken questions. “Prognosis is good, he's able to breathe on his own.”

“Right.” Long unused knowledge came rising back up again. “Off vent support”—Cassian strode over to the foot of his bed, picking up his chart and flipping through it—“then why is he comatose? Ah. Snowed to kingdom come. Good. Not in pain. Wound care rotation looks good, regular patient movement. Given transfusion...he lost a lot of blood.”

Cassian put the chart down and gave Organa a long look. She had the decency to look slightly chagrined. “I've talked to the DA, considering his help with the case, Rook will be let off with probation and some light community service.”

Probation. Community service. Like being willing to make this run wasn’t more service to the community than most would do in their lifetime. Like the police force hadn’t dropped tons of rubble on him because it was the most convenient way to resolve their problem. Not to mention the fact that if every other Imp arrested went to prison for the rest of their natural lives and _one_ just _happened_ to be let off on probation, they might as well hang a flashing sign on Bodhi that said “traitor.” 

Cassian folded his arms and looked at her. “No. You do that they'll know he was a mole in seconds. He'll be dead in minutes. He gets cleared of all charges. He gets a name change. Full Witness Protection. Help going back to school—”

“If he wanted all that he should have lawyered up. You are not in charge of his plea deal. It's this or prison along with every other gang member we picked up.”

“You need him in Witness Protection. He’s your lynchpin in a case against Krennic.” 

Organa's jaw set. “That is a call for the DA, not you.”

Cassian tasted rage. He unfolded his arms and took a step towards Organa. “You will talk to the DA again. You will get a better plea deal.”

Organa’s face hardened. “You forget yourself, Andor. That almost sounded like a threat.” Organa was tiny, but she could loom with the best of them. Utterly unintimidated, she held his gaze.

Cassian's eyes narrowed. “I have photos taken of Rook post-interrogation. It will look bad for the department, evidence of police brutality splashed all over the news.”

“You wouldn't. That would burn him as much as us.”

“The plan right now burns him too.” Cassian gave a slightly sick smile. “This way we all go down together. I have Draven on tape admitting the plan was to collapse the bridge on top of Rook.”

“That was never the plan.” Organa snapped back. 

Cassian wasn't certain whether her indignation was real or manufactured. It didn't matter. “Then your departments are keeping secrets from you.”

Organa’s voice went colder. “This will ruin your career.” 

Cassian reached into his jacket grabbed his badge, and threw it at her. She caught it on instinct. 

“What. Career.” 

There was a frozen moment, as Leia thoughtfully turned the badge over in her hands, and Cassian watched her.

“Don't throw away your future, Andor,” Organa said, blunting the hard edges of her voice only slightly. She looked up at Cassian and held out the badge to him again. “I'm willing to forget this conversation ever happened.” 

“I'm not,” said Cassian, turning away from the badge and pointing himself toward the door. He paused before he left. “I think you should consider, Chief, how many under the table deals and dirty secrets I know about. Everything I did was for the force... if we burn someone who came to us for help...then the police are not the organization I thought they were. I can do a lot of collateral damage. Forty-eight hours, Chief. Give me a better option.”

Cassian left the room.

* * *

Cassian walked quickly through the hospital hallways, half-expecting to be slammed into a wall by pursuing police officers. His heartbeat started ticking up, going faster and faster. He tried to keep a cool exterior, raising one hand to the security guards in acknowledgement as he exited the building. He made it out to his car, hands starting to shake as he unlocked the car. It was only once he was safely out of the parking lot, down three streets and away from traffic cameras that he allowed himself to think about the incredibly stupid thing he had just done. 

His breathing hitched, and he started gasping for air, needing to take faster and faster breaths and still feeling the panic. He just managed to pull off the side of the road before his hyperventilating took over entirely. 

He was going to die. 

He had just threatened _Chief Leia Organa_ , youngest police chief in the whole damn country. When her career had first begun, plenty of people had said that she was riding her father’s coattails, that it was corruption and favoritism and nepotism and pandering to the PC crowd. Organa had proved them all wrong. She was a born leader, ruthless, delivering string after string of victories so that they had been forced to acknowledge how good she was. Forced to promote her. 

The people that worked under her were loyal, and she was loyal to them in return. She was a good boss, hard, fair, recognized good work. Granted, she had also made her fair share of enemies in power. None of them lasted very long. They either lost their animosity or lost their power, and soon enough everyone knew that.

And Cassian, in his infinite wisdom had just _threatened_ her. Threatened her department. God. God. Forget quitting, forget being fired, Cassian was going to die.

He couldn’t bring himself to regret what he had done, though. Bodhi deserved better. Cassian wanted to believe that he’d fight for that even if Bodhi weren’t...whatever he was to Cassian. 

Cassian’s breathing eventually slowed, and he started to pull himself together again. He realized that if he was planning on surviving the next forty-eight hours, he was going to need some backup. 

Cassian looked around, pulled his way back onto the road and found a parking lot attached to some chain diner that he could sit in without looking too suspicious. He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing.

* * *

Cassian was startled awake by the sound of his phone ringing. He sat up in the driver's seat of his car, rubbing out a crick in the back of his neck as he looked down at his caller ID. 

It was the Chief. His mouth went dry, and he licked his lips and tried to sound normal as he opened his phone. As he was still inhaling to give his standard, ‘This is Andor,’ greeting, Organa cut him off. “You know what, fuck you.”

Cassian swallowed.

“Do you have any idea how many calls I've received? Sergeant Tonc, Inspector Melshi, three lawyers, two reporters, five politicians, _my own father_ , you bastard. All of them wanting to discuss the 'lifesaving and heroic’ actions of the force. Or cautiously asking questions about certain bridges. Or emphasizing how important it is to build a case against Krennic, considering it's looking shaky that we can pin the weapon on him. You think I don't see your fingerprints all over this?”

Cassian stayed quiet. Wasn't anything to say, really.

“Nice little firestorm for your revelations you've created. Well, fuck you, it worked, check your email, the new plea deal is attached.”

“...what?” Cassian finally managed.

“You win, Andor. Full Witness Protection, help with education and job training, full pardon for any crimes committed with the Imps in exchange for building testimony against Krennic. Read over the paperwork, see that the signatures are correct, then for fucks sake get your ass out of the IHOP parking lot and back to the hospital to talk details.”

“Hm,” Cassian replied, as he stared up at the IHOP sign. “I'll be there soon.”

He really should have known he couldn't hide from the Chief.

* * *

When he returned to Bodhi's room, Cassian was struck by nearly overwhelming relief at the sight of Bodhi's still-sleeping form. Still alive. Still safe. 

However, the furious form of Leia Organa in Bodhi’s room, near-buzzing with anger, reminded Cassian that he was not safe, and may not be alive soon. 

“Are you happy? Holding the department hostage for the sake of one man?” 

Cassian took a deep breath, tried to keep his voice even, “Yes. I’m happy the department decided not to throw a valuable informant to the wolves and instead are acting in good faith.” 

Organa huffed a little at this, folded her arms and stared at Bodhi. “Is he really worth it?” 

“Yes.” 

Organa looked off to the side, disapproving tilt to her head. She reached into her jacket, grabbed at something. Cassian tensed, but whatever it was was too small to be a firearm. She held her hand out to Cassian. 

It was his badge.

“I'm looking forward to putting this ridiculousness behind us. We've got work to do.”

Cassian reached forward, but stopped midway through. 

Why did he want to be a cop? To save lives. To help people. To keep what happened to his mom from happening to anyone else. But in the process of that...Cassian had forgotten how to live. His life had constricted to a job that hadn’t satisfied him in a long time. 

Then he met Bodhi. For the first time since he was six years old he had been content. He had been happy. He had let himself make a human connection. 

And the then the police and the Feds destroyed it. They did what they felt was necessary. But Cassian couldn't do that. Not anymore. He needed something more than necessity.

He let his hand drop to his side. “I didn't resign contingent on the plea deal. I'm not cut out for this sort of work anymore. My resignation stands.”

Organa continued to hold out the badge, insistent. “We’ll reassign you out of gangs. Draven’s too pissed to even look at you, anyway. You want Homicide? White Collar? You’re a good officer, Andor.” Organa's eyes flicked down to where Bodhi lay sleeping. “Even if you are misguided in your causes.”

“I don't feel I'm misguided, Ma’am.” Cassian reached out and wrapped the Chief’s fingers back around his badge, pushing it a little away from him. “But it's not just that. This job...this life has been killing me slowly.” 

“You saved a city.”

“I nearly lost my soul.” Cassian grimaced. “Please excuse the melodrama. I suppose I'm feeling sentimental today.”

Organa looked down at Bodhi again. “I could guarantee you're the officer in charge of his transition. Give you plenty of alone time with him.” Her voice turned almost suggestive at the last sentence. 

Cassian felt himself grow cold. He snapped at the Chief, “I know you aren't offering me a _human being_ as incentive to stay with the force.”

“Andor. Your feelings are obvious. The job doesn't need to be without its perks.”

Cassian responded, stiffly, “Feelings are feelings, Ma’am, but actions are another thing.” Cassian glared at the Chief. “There are certain actions I have not taken and will not take. And frankly, the fact that you even—”

“Spare me your outrage, Andor,” Organa said, coyness falling off her, replaced by a grumpy irritation. “If you had gone for that I would have had you strung up on charges of conduct unbecoming and sexual assault.” She regarded him for a long moment, looking vaguely disgruntled. “But you're one of the good ones.”

“You don’t have to sound so disappointed.” 

“I’m disappointed I’m losing you.” Organa grimaced a little, looking to the side. “I rather thought I was building the sort of department that _wouldn’t_ lose the good ones. I’ve got some housecleaning to do.” 

Cassian was startled by the moment of vulnerability from a person he had always seen as completely unflappable. “I’m...I’m certain you’ll handle it, Ma’am.” 

Organa gave Cassian a tired smile. “You won’t be able to see him, you know. Witness Protection is designed to keep him away from people exactly like you. Dangerous ties to the past are left behind.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “I know.” He looked down at Bodhi and was only a little embarrassed by the tears welling in his eyes. “I’ve known from the beginning.”

Organa gave a soft sigh. “Oh, Andor. I’ll give you ten minutes to make your goodbyes.” 

Cassian stiffened, looking at her. “Not necessary, Ma’am.” 

She gave him an exasperated look. “No. Of course it’s not. But this isn’t a trap, Andor. Feelings are just feelings but...they still deserve some respect. There’s no reason to deny yourself some closure.” With that she left the room. 

In the wake of her departure, Cassian just stared helplessly at Bodhi. Not certain of what else to do, he walked over to the bedside and cleared his throat. 

“So. I...I know this is a rotten thing I’m doing, leaving while you’re asleep. I am sorry. I wish...I wish anything were different. Don’t blame you if you hate me for it.” Cassian reached out and brushed his fingers across Bodhi’s face, pushing hair back from around his eyes. “I wish I could tell you...you probably saved my life. I didn’t realize how dead I was inside until you forced your way in. I wish I could stay here until you wake up, take you through recovery, just run away with you.” 

Cassian ran his fingers along Bodhi’s forehead, his cheekbone, his jaw, trying to fix the shape of Bodhi in his memory. “But that wouldn’t be fair to you. You’ve earned your chance at a better life. And...it wouldn’t be fair to me either. You made your choice, turned your back on your old life. I deserve the chance to do to the same. And I’m going to. I’m going to build something I can be proud of. I hope you’d be proud of it too.” 

Cassian blinked, and felt wet tears go down his cheeks. He leaned forward, and placed a gentle kiss on Bodhi’s forehead, whispered against his skin, “Goodbye, Bodhi Rook. I”—Cassian’s breath caught—“I may not get the chance to see it, but I know you are going to be completely magnificent. I will never, ever, forget you.”

And with that Cassian straightened, allowed himself one long, last look at Bodhi, and left the room. He nodded to Organa in the hallway, who huffed at that and pulled him into a stiff hug. “I’ll take care of him.” 

Cassian shuddered against her, one rough sob escaping, then pulled back, mortified. “I, thank you...Ma’am.”

“I’m going to give you some advice and, as I am no longer your commanding officer, it is completely up to you whether or not you want to take it.” 

Cassian looked at her, gave a slow nod. 

“Get some chocolate ice cream. Get some alcohol. Get tipsy, eat too much ice cream, cry your heart out. For twenty-four hours. Then get your shit together. Figure out what you want out of your life and get it.” 

Cassian gave Leia a crooked smile. “Your advice is impeccable, as always, Ma’am.”

“Good luck Cassian,” she said, before going back into the hospital room.

* * *

_Twenty-Four Hours Later, More or Less_

Cassian picked up his phone, and dialed a number he hadn’t called in a long time.

After two rings a cheerful voice picked up on the other end. “Cassian Andor! I haven’t heard your voice in a dog’s age! What do you need?”

Despite everything, Cassian found himself smiling. “Chirrut. You know how you always said that it was a waste for me to go into policing when I had the makings of such a good nurse?”

“You get your license active again and I’ll have you on-shift the same day,” Chirrut said immediately. “Please tell me you’re coming back.”

“I...really?” 

“Cassian. You think I have time to turn down qualified nurses? Get your license, we’ll get you into the _right_ educational program, and you can finally stop wasting all that potential.”

“Thank you.” A heavy sigh escaped him. “I...yes, I want to come back.” 

“You doing alright?” Chirrut asked, his cheer fading into a soft compassion.

“No,” Cassian answered, honestly. “It’s been...rough lately. Lots of ups and downs. This feels right, though.”

“Well of course it does. I always told Baze you had the makings of a fine nurse. Think about it, Cassian Andor, Supervising R.N.” 

“Yes.” Cassian breathed out as, for the first time in a long time, he let himself want something without any guilt at all. “Let’s make that happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though this is titled The End there is still one more chapter. I'm not leaving it here. 
> 
> HOWEVER. 
> 
> If you have not read Twelve Hour Shift, now is the time where you go read Twelve Hour Shift. 
> 
> Are you furious at what I have wrought with my words and feel the need to chastise me? [I’m on Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sassysnowperson) Or...you know...leave a comment. :)


	12. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm having some trouble believing we made it this far! 
> 
> One last time, thanks to [WritinRedhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead) for supporting this whole fic into existence. When she was satisfied with the Epilogue, I knew it was safe to share with you. 
> 
> And beyond that specific thanks, thanks to every single one of you who has been reading along, commenting, letting me know you care about these wonderful men and their terrible communication skills.

* * *

_Four Years Ago_

Cassian looked down at the young man sleeping in the bed. Pale skin, sandy-blond hair, one less arm than when he entered the hospital. Still, considering how he had looked when he got to the hospital…

“I hope you’re not blaming yourself for not saving the arm.” 

Cassian looked over his shoulder and saw Padmé coming in through the doorway, her kind face looking tired. He shook his head, small smile. “Honestly, feeling pretty proud we saved the rest of him. He was in bad shape when he got in here.” 

“Good.” Padmé smiled. “You might just make it long-term after all.” 

Cassian supposed Padmé, with her steel-streaked brown hair would know a thing or two about what it took to stay sane over time. She came up next to him, settling her hands on the bar running the length of the bedside. “We did good work. People who can’t see that, who can only see what we lost, they don’t make it.” 

Cassian grunted. “I know a thing or two about that. But I get to go home today knowing,” Cassian checked the name on the band around the kid’s remaining wrist, “Luke Skywalker is alive, at least in part, because of what I did. And that’s a damn good feeling.” 

“You got that right.” Padmé leaned forward a bit, looking at Luke. “He’d be about my son’s age.” 

Cassian gave Padmé a strange look. “I...didn’t know you had kids.” 

He was not prepared for what happened next. Padmé’s eyes grew wide, and she grinned at him, utterly delighted. “You haven’t heard the story yet!” She held up a finger, quickly pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing. 

Cassian tipped his head to the side, looking confused.

Phone pressed to her ear, she exclaimed, “Ahsoka, meet me at the Cantina. I’m coming off-shift and so is Cassian, we’re going to go get drinks.”

“We are?” Cassian muttered. 

Padmé smiled at him, nodding, while she spoke into the phone. “I don’t care that it’s early. And neither does the Cantina. We just worked a twelve. We deserve alcohol. No—no, listen, _Cassian didn’t know I had twins_.” 

Cassian tipped his head as he heard Ahsoka’s excited voice come out of the telephone speakers. Still couldn’t figure out what she was saying.

“I know! I don’t know how he’s survived a year without hearing the story! We must fix this. Immediately.” Padmé listened a little longer then said, “Good, see you there,” and hung up. 

She threaded her arm through Cassian’s walking him toward the door. “Come on. You get to hear about my horrible ex-husband and Ahsoka’s horrible ex-best friend, who are the same person. It’s a good story. There’s a swordfight!” 

Cassian smiled as he let himself be lead out of the hospital. 

Friends. It was about time he figured out how to make some.

* * *

_Three Years Ago_

“School is the woooooooorst,” a young voice complained loudly from across the library. 

“Yes. Of all the struggles in my life, the fact that I have to engage in academia is by far the most terrible,” Luke said, voice desert dry as he pointedly stared at his arm stub.

Bodhi rolled his eyes. “That joke’s getting old, Luke. Besides,” Bodhi’s eyes flashed with amusement and he drew his lips out into a fake pout, “schwool is haaaard.” 

Luke laughed, too loud for the library, which drew some irritated glances from the surrounding tables. He ducked his head in apology, went back to his schoolwork. Much quieter, he said, “I know, I shouldn’t judge, but it’s difficult not to, you know? They’re complaining about something I had to work really hard for.” 

“I get it…” Bodhi clicked his pen and stared at his history book. “One of the reasons I like you. You don’t take this for granted.” 

They lapsed into silence, study session unbroken until a throat cleared next to their table. Bodhi startled a little, looking over, then startled a lot, seeing Chief Leia Organa. Luke, deep in his textbook, just said, “No, we’re still using the outlets.” 

Leia chuckled a little. “I had no designs on your outlets. I was hoping to steal your study partner for some coffee.” 

Bodhi started packing up his stuff as Luke looked up and actually saw Leia. His eyes widened, and he looked over at Bodhi. “Friend of yours?” Luke raised a suggestive eyebrow. 

Bodhi swallowed, a little nervous at the insinuation being made. “Not like that.” 

“Well, why not?” Luke grinned over at Leia, bright and easy. “She did make the effort to come and see you.” 

Bodhi coughed, uneasy. “Um. She is so far out of my league.” 

“Got that right,” Leia said, humor in her voice, and Bodhi relaxed a little. 

“Well, just because she’s out of your league—” Luke arched an eyebrow at Leia. 

Bodhi felt a spike of panic and cut him off. “No. Bad idea. Remember. Sister.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Ignore him, he says that whenever he thinks I’m making a bad romantic decision. Luke Skywalker. I’m adopted, and the sister thing is Bodhi’s sad, sad, idea of a joke. But, unless you’re adopted too, we’re safe on the whole ‘siblings’ front.” 

Luke turned his charming smile on Leia. Leia met it with one slow unimpressed blink. “You should listen to your friends, Luke.” 

Bodhi, burning with secondhand embarrassment, shouldered his backpack and waved at Luke. “Right! This was mortifying. Let’s go. See you later, Luke.”

“I’ll be here,” Luke said, unashamed grin slowly falling off his face as he eyed his textbook, “And so will ‘Studies in Transcendental Journeys.’” 

“You have fun with that,” Bodhi said as he left. As they walked away from the table, he breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry about that. He’s deeply dumb sometimes.” 

Leia made a thoughtful humming noise. “I actually am adopted. It’s a matter of public record.” 

“Oh...huh.” Bodhi fell into a nervous silence. 

“Don’t worry, Bodhi,” Leia said, amusement sparkling in her eyes. “I won’t order a hit on your friend.” Some of the amusement died off, and she continued, more serious, “This isn’t a bad visit. I’m not here to move you, you're not in any trouble.” 

Bodhi’s shoulders loosened a little. “No offence, Ma’am, but you are very scary.” 

“Why would I possibly take offense at that?” Leia grinned, holding open the door to the library for Bodhi. 

Leia walked Bodhi over to her car—civilian model, Bodhi wasn’t entirely surprised to see—and when they started driving, she started talking. “I came by to ask about your future. Where you see yourself.” 

“Um.” Bodhi licked his lips. “That’s a big question.”

“It’s normal not to have an answer...”

“No, I’ve got one.” Bodhi felt his cheeks heat and he hunched his shoulders, “Just feel a little silly talking about it. With you.” 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t interested.” 

“I want to be a cop,” Bodhi said, softly. He tipped his head back against the seat. “I know, with my past, that might not be the best idea. And it might not even be possible. But. That’s what I want.” 

“Cassian made that big of an impact?” Leia asked. 

_Kind smile, offering him a glass of water. Warm hands, holding him while his world fell apart._

“Um. I’d be lying if I said he had nothing to do with it. But it’s more than that, though. Figuring out next steps and how plans fit together, I was good at that. It was exciting. And…” Bodhi cleared his throat, awkwardly, and folded his arms across his chest. “I know I could come up with a better plan than dropping a bridge on a cooperating witness.” 

Leia coughed, then pulled off to the side of the road. Bodhi’s eyes went wide and his hand gripped at his bicep. He watched as Leia looked over at him, shook her head slowly, then started laughing. 

She laughed; then kept laughing, edge of hysteria in her chortles. She braced her hands on the steering wheel and collapsed against them, shoulders shaking. It seemed to take forever before she pulled herself together enough to say, “Okay, I see why Andor liked you ‘...better plan than…’ God, Rook, you’ve got big brass ones, don’t you.” 

Bodhi let out a shaky breath, “Or just a complete lack of self-preservation.” 

“I wouldn’t rule that out either. Okay.” She visibly pulled herself together. “This conversation did not go where I expected it to. Let’s just…” She took a deep breath and looked at him mirth gone, replaced by a serious expression. “The bridge plan was reckless, poorly implemented, and did not have official approval. It caused one of my best officers to quit.”

“Ca—Andor?” Bodhi caught himself. “He really did leave the force?” 

“Yes. That wasn’t a line we fed you. I’ve spent the last couple years tearing the department inside-out to make sure something like that does not happen again. I need new blood that understands we walk a grey line, and we need to be careful of how we use the power we have. I need new blood that’s seen how bad things can get.”

Leia shook her head. “I came here to offer you a job, Rook. Thought I was going to need to spend a few hours talking you around to it. Way to hijack that conversation.” 

“Wait. _Really_?” 

“Yes. Not right away, I still want you to finish your degree, have the chance to consider your options. Your continued protection is not contingent on you accepting. But, if you think this is something you might want in a couple years—”

“Yes,” Bodhi said quickly. 

“Then we can start you with some pre-training, get you up to speed as quickly as possible. It won’t be me doing the training, and there won’t be any special treatment in terms of where you get placed.”

“That’s fine, I wouldn’t want it. But...you really think I could do it?” 

“You really think I’d be here if I didn’t?”

* * *

_Two Years Ago_

“...which is why it was so impressive when Inspector Melshi was able to slide from one end of the precinct to the other in his socks. Or so they say. It still seems like a frivolous pastime.” The lanky black-skinned man gave a small shrug, hunching to fit onto Cassian’s front porch. 

Cassian fumbled with his keys while he gave a short laugh. “Kai, sometimes you need to let loose or you will go insane.” 

“I do not. I have extensive self-maintenance protocols that allow me to focus attentively while at work.” Kai Too folded his arms and raised a judgemental eyebrow.

Cassian finally fished his keys out of his pocket. “Most people need to let loose or they will go insane. Speaking of which, thanks for prying me out of the house.” 

“It was the day of your birth. Certain rituals must be upheld.” 

“Ritual or not, I appreciate it. You want some coffee before you—” Cassian opened his front door.

_**”SURPRISE!!!”** _

Cassian jumped back, shoving Kai one way and ducking the other himself. He wedged himself as much out of the doorway as he could, hand flying to where his gun used to be, heart pounding. 

People laughed. 

Cassian took a moment to process what actually happened. He looked across the small patio to Kai, who had his head tipped and a grin on his face. “I see why they recommended a surprise celebration, now, that is a fantastic reaction, aside from the part where I got pushed into a wall.” 

Cassian leaned his head back around the doorframe. Chirrut stood in the middle of the living room, grinning at Cassian. Padmé, who was standing next to him, red light indicating her phone was recording, smiled and waved at Cassian. Cassian gave a confused but polite return wave as his eyes went around the room. 

There had to be fifteen...maybe twenty people crammed into his apartment living room. He cleared his throat. “Ah. Sorry about that.”

Padmé finally put down her phone and smiled. “Come in then! It’s your house!” 

Cassian came in, accepted the cheerful greetings and warm hugs. Baze pushed a drunk into his hands, rolling his eyes as he did so. “I told them throwing a surprise party for an ex-cop was a bad idea.”

“It's fine. Keeps me on my toes. And hey, if I have a heart attack I know I’d be well cared for.” Cassian smiled ruefully. 

“That is the advantage of making friends in the medical field. Happy birthday.” 

Cassian tipped his drink at him and wandered through the crowd. Someone had put some music on, his living room was full of happy chatter. There was a pile of gifts on his dining room table. He accepted hugs from Ahsoka and Ben, a peck on his cheek from Sabine, and a slice of cake appeared from somewhere. Cassian relaxed into the joy of having people around him, smiling as he moved from conversation to conversation. 

He was watching a spirited debate between Sabine and Ben regarding the professionalism of colored hair in the workforce when he became aware of a presence at his elbow. He looked over, raised an eyebrow as Leia Organa smiled at him. 

“Happy birthday,” she said, “Kai invited me. Hope you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all. It’s good to see you.” Cassian was pleased to realize he meant it. He walked with her over to a quieter corner, and gestured his hand around the room. “Welcome to my life now.” 

“I am frustrated to admit you look happy.” Leia smiled ruefully. “They seem like good people.” 

“They are.” Cassian gave them all an affectionate glance. “Even if they are trying to kill me of shock.” 

“That was pretty funny. The older lady showed me the video when I got here.” Leia took a sip of the drink she was holding. “So...work seems to be going well... you've got friends...any significant other?”

A now-familiar twist took hold of Cassian’s chest. “No. Haven’t found the right person.” 

“Haven’t found the right person? Or can’t let go of the wrong one?” 

Cassian winced, and couldn't help the sharpness that crept into his tone. “I’m trying to move on. I haven’t asked for any information. I’m mostly very happy. As for the rest...I’m sure it will fade in time.” 

“It’s good you haven’t asked. I can’t tell you anything, you know that. I can’t tell you he’s doing well.” 

“Why are you talking about this? I’ve never known you to be cruel, Leia.” Cassian’s hand tightened around his glass. 

“Andor,” Leia said, exasperated. “Listen to me. I can’t tell you he’s doing well. I can’t tell you he’s nearly done with his bachelor’s degree. That he’s making friends, he’s got a plan for his life, that he seems to be thriving. I can’t tell you any of that.” 

“Oh.” Cassian’s eyes widened a bit. He gave a sly smile. “Shame. That you can’t tell me any of that.” 

Leia chuckled. “I feel like that’s a sufficient birthday gift. Go enjoy your party, Andor. And for the record, I think you made the right call. I’m still pissed I lost you but...you were never this happy before.” 

Cassian tipped his drink to her and wandered off toward Rex and Cody, trying to keep them from destroying his stereo system as they fought over a playlist.

* * *

_One Year Ago_

Jyn groaned loudly when she saw the training activity partner assignments. She rounded on Bodhi and hissed, “I swear _old man_ if you slow me down…”

“I’m like, maybe two years older than you!” Bodhi huffed, then let out his own soft sigh of disgust when he confirmed he was partnered with Jyn. 

“You two should quickly reconcile your differences,” a voice behind them said. 

“Why on earth would I do that!” Jyn snarled, her irritation growing as she spun around.

Kai folded his arms and looked a long way down at her. “Fine then, I won’t tell you. 

“Please tell me,” Bodhi said.

“That is the same as telling her.” 

“Come on, don’t punish me just because Jyn hasn’t learned the importance of sweet-talking the helpful, talented, civilian administrators.” 

Kai grumbled, then said, “The two of you are being considered for a special assignment, but that assignment is contingent on you being able to function as partners. Which you currently are not.” 

“You’re just making things up.” Jyn folded her arms.

“It’s the Imps,” Bodhi said, eyes widening. “That’s the only thing that makes sense for the two of us together.”

“I did not inform you of that,” Kai said quickly, “If an assignment like that were being considered it would be top secret.” 

“Really?” Jyn looked from one man to the other. “You’re really believing this?” 

Bodhi nodded. “Absolutely.” 

“That’s all I’ve ever—” Jyn unfolded her arms, jabbing her index finger at Bodhi. “Listen to me, if you mess this up for me—”

“I’m not the one spitting in disgust every time you—” 

“My father was killed by the Imps—” 

“In front of me! I thought I was getting killed _next_! It was the worst moment of my life and _that includes the time I exploded_! Believe me. I want the Imps put down just as much as you do. Or at least, I’m a close second.” Bodhi finished, furiously holding up his fingertips centimeters apart.

“Well then, fine. We’re going to need to figure out how to work together.”

“Fine.”

A while later, Bodhi and Jyn stood with their arms behind their backs, across the desk from an angry-looking Sargent Tonc. 

“So. Let me see if I get this straight.” Tonc steepled his fingers together. “The brief was to participate in a simulated-fire training exercise against other teams.” He picked up a piece of paper, looking irritated. “And in the process of doing so you managed to hotwire a police cruiser.” 

“Creative use of the environment was a part of the brief, Sir,” Jyn responded.

“And then, you used the vehicle to hunt down the other teams, performing a number of reckless stunts, including, at one point, jumping the cruiser over a three foot deep gully.”

“You could call it reckless, Sir, but there was no damage to either the vehicle or the other team. I was simply making sure the full extent of my combat-driving abilities were demonstrated,” Bodhi said. 

“And when not one, not two, but three other teams decided to follow your...innovative approach to combat tactics, the result was extensive paint splatter over the cruisers as the teams found that the vehicles had been trapped with simulated explosives.”

“Depriving materials to our opposition. I wish I could take credit for that one, Sir, but that was Jyn’s idea.” Bodhi bowed his head toward Jyn. 

“But I wouldn’t have known how to hide them on the car without your extensive knowledge of vehicles.” Jyn bowed her head back. 

“When did this little mutual admiration society start?” 

“We resolved our differences, Sir,” Bodhi said.

“Yes. I got him a card apologizing for invalidating his trauma because I thought he was invalidating my trauma.” 

Tonc raised one eyebrow.

Bodhi twitched. “And then I got her a card saying ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stop your father from being shot.’”

Jyn coughed. “It was very touching.”

“Alright,” Tonc said, looking irritated, “you’re on car cleaning duty. Don’t you dare go home until those cruisers are spotless again. Get out of here.” 

Bodhi and Jyn walked out, desperately trying not to grin at each other as they went. They made it most of the way down the hallway before they collapsed into giggles, ducking into the copyroom as they broke down.

“Oh my god—” Bodhi gasped for breath, “Creative use of the environment.” 

Jyn managed to interrupt her laughter long enough to get out, “Full extent of your combat—” before she started laughing again, tears in the corner of her eyes. 

“And what was that! I got you a card that—” Bodhi’s giggles came back in full force. “No, wait…” Bodhi, still wheezing, grabbed a piece of white paper and a pen, quickly scribbling. He folded the paper in half and handed to her with a dramatic air of manufactured solemity.

She bit her lip to stifle her own laughs and opened it up, finding, “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop your father from being shot” combined with a sad looking stick figure. Jyn snorted, which started both of them into giggles again.

“Oh this is perfect. I’m keeping this forever.” 

Bodhi grabbed at it. “Come on now.” 

“No, no you don’t get to give me a nice card and then take it back.” Jyn kept the card out of his reach. “I’m going to get a house with mantle just so I can stick it on the mantle.” 

Bodhi’s manic good cheer settled down a little, and he gave Jyn an appraising look. “We really don’t make that bad of a team.” 

“No,” Jyn said, tapping the card against her lips. “This just might work.”

* * *

_One Hour, Thirty Minutes Later_

Bodhi Rook woke up in a hospital bed. After a moment of reflection he decided that this, at least, hurt less than the last time he had woken up in a hospital bed. Fewer burns, for one. He was fairly certain that his entire life hadn’t just been yanked out from under his feet, for another. 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that he had a point of comparison for this sort of thing.

There was a soft noise next to him. A sound that could be considered a snore. He looked over at the visitor’s chair, and there was a male figure, bent over Bodhi’s bedside, clearly asleep. Wearing scrubs. Probably some shift nurse, trying to catch a quick nap in the unconscious patient’s room.

Something about the guy’s hands looked vaguely familiar. Bodhi stared, trying to place it. Maybe he had assisted with the surgery? Bodhi had been pretty out of it. Too bad he couldn’t make out their face. 

Almost as if granting Bodhi’s wish, the man made a soft noise and shifted and— 

Holy fuck. 

_Holy FUCK._

That was Cassian Andor. That was the jawline and clever mouth and unwavering sense of morality that had haunted Bodhi’s dreams for the last five years. And he was here. 

Fuck. Bodhi was dead, wasn’t he? This was heaven. Bodhi was pleasantly surprised that somehow he had made it to paradise, but— 

No. He was wearing diapers. Bodhi refused to believe in an eternity of diapered bliss. 

Okay, option two. Time travel. Bodhi had been thrown back to before Cassian had vanished, and was given one more chance to make a passionate case that they should stay together. 

No. Cassian looked different. Longer hair. Laugh lines around the eyes. Somehow in the last five years he had gotten even hotter, something Bodhi, if you had asked him five years ago (or five minutes ago) would have said was an impossibility. 

Hard to deny the evidence, though. 

Okay, no time travel, not heaven...maybe he had dreamed the last five years. Maybe instead of going off, getting his degree, becoming a cop, and in an amazing twist of fate going undercover with the Imps and taking them down for good he had...settled down? 

Bodhi was surprised to find that he did not like the idea the last five years hadn’t happened. Cassian pulling his little disappearing act had hurt like hell but Bodhi had built a life he was proud of. He didn’t want it all to be a figment of his imagination, even if that meant he had been with Cassian the whole time. 

Bodhi looked over at his bedside table. Flowers. From Cassian? Cassian had brought him a bouquet of flowers? At the base of the bouquet was Bodhi’s cell phone. The cell phone made more sense than the flowers. He very quietly reached for it, flipped it open, and dialed the only number he had memorized. 

“You’d better not be dead.” The voice on the other line answered. 

“I think I’ve ruled out that possibility,” Bodhi whispered. 

“Thank god for that. Having to break in a new partner did not sound appealing.” 

“What about me, Erso? Do I have to lie to an administrative hearing board for you?”

“No. Krennic’s alive. In custody.” Jyn huffed. “Bastard shot you. Nobody would have blamed me.” 

“Proud of you. Now I don’t have to take the ‘Congratulations on Overcoming Your Thirst for Vengeance while Bringing Your Father’s Killer to Justice’ card I got you back to the store. That would have been embarrassing.” 

“Whatever. I got you a ‘Congratulations on Surviving Your First Abdominal Gunshot Wound” card so you can return the favor by not dying.”

“Yeah. So, the last five years definitely happened, right?” Bodhi stared at Cassian. “I’m just feeling the need to check.” 

“They’ve got you on the good pills.” 

“Oh my god, I never even considered drug induced hallucination,” Bodhi said, distressed. He hesitated, then reached out and put his finger against Cassian’s nose. “Okay, no, he feels solid.” 

“What?”

“You know the guy I told you about? The one who made me want to be a cop?” 

“The one that left while you were exploded and—despite that—the guy you’ve been sappily pining over the whole time I’ve known you?” 

“I never should have told you the whole story.” 

“Wait. Him. He’s _there_?”

“Yes.” Bodhi hissed into the phone. 

“Why on earth are you on the phone with me?” 

“Because I thought I might be time traveling! Also he’s asleep.” 

“I hate that I know there’s no point blaming the painkillers for that train of thought. It’s just how your brain works. Alright, hold him there if he tries to leave, I’ll be over in ten and we’ll beat some answers out of him.” 

“Jyn. No. Besides, if he is real…”

“He probably is.”

“Yeah...I haven’t decided if I’m going to yell at him or kiss him senseless.”

“...You do both, I’ll give him the shovel talk afterward.”

“This is why we make a good team.” 

“You know it, Rook. Now shoo, get with the yelling and the making out. Call if you need anything.” Jyn hung up.

Bodhi looked down and stared at Cassian. A complicated tangle of feelings rose up inside of him. Disbelief, anger, wonder, joy, love. 

Love. Huh. Bodhi thought he had gotten over Cassian years ago. Thought Cassian was an intense crush pressure cooked in high-stakes circumstances. One that would fade when he found the right person. 

Apparently not. And now he was here. Bodhi had another chance. 

Well. He wasn’t going to waste it. Bodhi reached out his fingers and carded them through Cassian’s hair.

* * *

_Three Weeks Later_

Cassian woke up. There were soft noises coming from the other half of his bed. He waited, and he heard a sharp intake of breath, a shaky exhale, then another gasp. 

Bodhi was crying. 

Heart pounding, Cassian propped himself up on one elbow, looking over at where Bodhi lay. He reached over (still marveling that he could, that Bodhi was there, that it was _allowed_ ) and put his hand on Bodhi’s shoulder. “You alright?” 

Bodhi sniffled some more. “Sorry, I was trying not to wake you up.” 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” Cassian ran his hand up and down Bodhi’s shoulder. “You need more painkillers?” 

Bodhi laughed, a little sniffly. “No, no, I really am okay, it’s just…” Bodhi, lit silver by the moonlight streaming in through the window, turned towards Cassian and smiled. “Cassian. I’m so _happy_. I woke up, and you were here.” Bodhi sniffled. “I’d gotten so used to waking up alone. This was just…” 

Bodhi trailed off, giving a chuckling-sob. Cassian squeezed Bodhi’s forearm. “I’m here.” 

“I know! That’s the beautiful thing. You are! I’m just a little overwhelmed right now.” Bodhi reached up a hand and grabbed Cassian’s. He tugged it over to his lips and brushed a kiss on it. “I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again. And now we’re here and we get this chance and I’m just…” Bodhi trailed off, biting his lip. Another shaking laugh-sob ran through him. “Too many emotions.”

As he watched emotions run across Bodhi's face, Cassian felt their echoes move through him. Joy. Peace. Contentment. Wonder. He pressed his palm to Bodhi’s cheek, hand shaking slightly. “I know what you mean.” Cassian rolled himself over. Holding himself carefully away from Bodhi’s injured torso, he kissed Bodhi, gently nudging his lips apart, tasting and deepening the kiss. 

Bodhi gave a happy moan, opening to Cassian, hand coming up along the back of Cassian’s head, tangling in Cassian’s hair. Moonlight ran over their skin as they spent time slowly, lazily kissing, reveling in the ability to enjoy each other. 

Cassian pulled back, smiling helplessly at Bodhi. “I’m so happy you’re here. I never want you to go.” 

Bodhi took a shuddering breath. “I know what you mean.” 

Cassian sat up in bed, expression turning more serious. “No. Really. Stay. Not just while you heal, because you’re in no shape to go apartment hunting. Not just because you need someone who understands wound-care around. Just...stay.”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Bodhi looked over at Cassian. “Because I thought the plan was for me to get better and find my own place. And then we could try dating. Like normal people.”

“Fuck the plan.” Cassian’s voice went rough. “The plan was doomed. I was fooling myself. There was no way I was ever going to be okay with you getting further away again. Stay. Please.”

Bodhi licked his lips. “Are you sure? This is pretty fast. I know we had five years of lead-up but…”

“I’m sure. I can go to the storage unit tomorrow and move your stuff in. I want you to stay.” 

“Your bed is sort of small, you’ll get sick of my elbows in your space…” 

“I’ll buy a new bed. No. We’ll buy a new bed. We will go to a mattress store and lay all over the mattresses and I’ll try to buy the one that you like and you’ll try to buy the one that I like. We’ll find one that works for both of us. Please. Stay.” 

Bodhi started breathing faster. “You know if I move in Jyn basically moves in too. You’re never going to get her off of your couch.” 

“Our couch. She’s welcome.” Cassian pulled back a little, winding his fingers with Bodhi’s. “Bodhi. Do you want this? Because if you need more space, I’ll give it to you. If you need more time, I’ll wait.” He squeezed Bodhi’s hand. “Of course I will. But this is what I want.”

Bodhi’s breathing evened out again. He looked away, swallowed, then met Cassian’s eyes again, “I just can’t...Cassian, I thought I was over you and then there you were and all my feelings are back and even stronger. I’m happy. I’m so happy. I just don’t think...I don’t think I could take it if you went back and forth on this one. I’d rather wait and have you be sure.” 

Cassian gave a slow nod. He reached down and brushed hair back and away from Bodhi’s face. He leaned over and kissed Bodhi’s forehead. “I’m sure.” He kissed the right cheek “Certain.” He kissed the left cheek, pulling back. “Positive. Bodhi, I was never over you. Never even came close. There hasn’t been a moment in the last five years I didn’t wish that you were here. I—” Cassian took a deep breath, gathered his courage. “I love you, Bodhi Rook.” 

“Oh.” Bodhi said softly. Tears welled up in his eyes again. He reached his hands out, tugging Cassian down next to him, until Cassian was cuddled up alongside him. He turned to face Cassian, leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. 

Then it was Bodhi’s turn to take a deep breath before he said, “I would be honored to move my stuff into the apartment. I will buy a bed with you. I will grimace with embarrassment as my best friend colonizes our sofa. I love you too, Cassian Andor, and I have for a long, long time now.”

Cassian closed his eyes, trying to capture this moment in his memory. It was juxtaposed against a bittersweet cuddle for comfort in the face of a cause much bigger than both of them. Against Cassian brushing his lips against a sleeping Bodhi’s forehead before leaving. Against Cassian seeing Bodhi on the surgery table, angry and terrified he would lose him again. Against Bodhi’s grin and determined grip on his scrubs, as he pulled Cassian down for their first kiss. 

“It hasn’t been an easy five years for us.” Cassian opened his eyes again, reached out his hand, and cupped Bodhi’s neck, thumb tracing along the pulse point, enjoying the thrum that meant Bodhi was alive. 

“No,” Bodhi said, soft, never taking his eyes from Cassian’s. 

“You’re worth every second.” Cassian leaned in again, taking a kiss, “I love you.” 

Bodhi had a soft smile on his face. His own hands came up, tugging Cassian in again. Another kiss, and he replied, “I love you too.” 

They stayed there in the moonlight, trading hard-won kisses and easily-given love, until the soft rays of dawn heralded the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, every bit of thanks possible to everyone who read. This is the first time I've written a multi-chapter fic that's had such enthusiastic read-along, and it has meant the world to me. 
> 
> (I am getting a bit sniffly now that it's finished, to be honest. I thought about delaying this posting, but I just couldn't wait to let you guys see the final product) 
> 
> And to any new readers joining us now that it's completed, welcome! 
> 
> [I’m on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sassysnowperson), and it's worth mentioning that this whole universe exists because of a tumblr prompt. So, you know, feel free to come on over and yell at me about characters. There's a chance words will come out of it. 
> 
> Of course, it's also worth mentioning that this FIC exists because of enthusiastic commenting, so beware the power you wield. You might make an author write _over 35k_ of backstory to a fic less than 2k long. Comment carefully.


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